1765
I wish I had been less ignorant.
What was such a meek girl of my age to do so far from home? I was petrified, my pale hands trembled as they held each other tightly in dire hopes of obtaining some sort of comfort. To make matters worst the carriage was not having any mercy upon my feared state, it was being as cruel as the plummeting rain falling from the lord's home.
The ill fated carriage driver I thought to myself attempting to distract myself from my hectic surroundings. We had been upon the same road for what felt like days, stopping many times with a bitter silence with the rain being our only company, and I was more afraid that he could do harm to me than anything else. I had nothing to fend for myself. A sack filled with four hand made dresses by my mama, shoes our kind neighbour had given us, and La Vita Nuova by Dante my father had given me from one of his trips. Helpless I was, and even more alone I felt.
It was for mama, the thought crossed my mind innumerable of times as I repeated it to myself. It was for Bertilda, Else, Hanne, Kasimira, Magda, Oda, Ruperta, Teresia, and Viktoria. I would sacrifice all I had to allow them to never feel hunger again. My soft hands to become rough aged hands for theirs to be soft and smooth. My life, for a better one for them. So the life we once had could return in some manner, though it would never be the same without papa.
Father might have died seven months before I stepped into that carriage. I say might have, for we knew not of his life after the day we saw his ship fade into the ocean. My father's face was not to be seen again afterward, and along with him he took the family's only source of income. His trade.
I the eldest took upon many jobs close to home, but none was enough. Working in the bakery of Maren to cleaning the ships of travellers did not suffice for our needs. Bertilda, the second eldest worked as well, but it would only be two women working for a family of eleven. Else and below were far too young to work. Mama could not for she had to take care of Viktoria, and the child she carried in her womb. We all prayed desperately for him to return as time went by, but the waters did not comply and papa's ship was not seen again.
I had not felt the carriage when it had come to a stop, but I did feel the door swing open abruptly frightening me. Into the carriage came the driver who sat right across from me. His black cloak was darker from the rain, and as he removes his hat he gave out a low hiss, I first see his wet dark golden hair that was clinging to his head as if it were to fall to the hands of the devil if they let go of his pale skin. His big eyes fell upon me suddenly, and I felt the chills run down my entire body in fear not knowing what to do.
"I can not see." He whispered as he took off the cloak and set it aside. He wore a pristine white shirt, too pristine for such a man I thought. "I do not want to take you to France or to the Polish."
"Thank you." I whispered, my lips were trembling insatiably but not from the cold air outside.
I will always remember the smile he had given me that moment. It was a dimpled smile, his eyes became smaller and his cheeks nearly touched his ears. In that very moment I knew that I was safe, it was a smile that could never harm. It made me warm, the only thing that had made me warm since Papa had dissapeared. "Edsel." He said with an even more cocky smile.
I had not seen him properly from the nearest village he picked me up from. He said nothing to me, only opened the door, and I do not even remember him asking for my name. He simply told me he was the carriage driver for the manor. I had expected the manor would have been closer, but it was not. Oh it was so far, I felt as if I was sitting in the middle ocean and not in Germany.
"Do you work for-?" I fell into silence forgetting my new master's name, it made him chuckle, and it made me feel even warmer.
"Master Axel? Yes, my father does. He is a farmer for him, a serf in his land." He seemed so proud of his standing, but who was I to judge? I was to clean floors, he drove beautiful carriages.
