Phoebe's Performance

Acceptance

Chapter 32

The next day is bitterly cold, the temperature is sub zero and ice is forecasted on the roads. Being just early December I don't believe snow will appear in London. It's extremely rare if it does. And if it does, it won't happen yet. The roads remain safe as I drive from Jack's to Mickey's, park the car and bus over to Otto's.

I skip practise. I can't sit next to him, inhaling his cologne this morning. However, I'm back inside the mansion, wielding all my strength and I need it. He's at the doorway as soon as I arrive. He smiles, inviting me in from the cold. A stab of betrayal ripples through me. I almost want to be rude but I grin back at him.

He was never mine. What right do I have to lash out?

He hovers by the office that morning. I sit at the computer desk and Otto doesn't leave the room. I hide my shaking hands beneath the desk because the conversation is forced and polite. The exchange between us makes me realise how far we'd come from our first meeting and now how much we've lost.

The thought depresses me.

Neither of us mentions Eve, or the kiss I witnessed in the music room. I broach safe subjects. After all, it is December, the most thrilling part of the year. I've been so besotted with Otto that I've forgotten all about Christmas looming round the corner.

Finally he departs from the office and as I draft Otto's Christmas cards, his Christmas blog on his website, I can't help feeling slightly pessimistic.

That same evening I call Annika and explain that Otto's demeanour since the cast came off has improved. "Will you be back for Christmas?"

"We have concerts all the way up to Christmas."

"I see." I pause, wondering why I hadn't considered this a problem before. "Maybe he could go and visit you then? For Christmas?"

"If he doesn't have Christmas with me, he'll have Christmas with Frank or Kathleen. Don't you worry too much. Besides I'll be back from the international tour soon."

I hang up the phone, my heart pounding hard. He hasn't breathed a word about Christmas. How could his Mother not want to be with her only son during Christmas?

It's not your issue. He's not your boyfriend.

This spurs me into action and I talk to Mickey and Jack about Christmas. Also in the back of my brain is the fact that Annika will be coming back soon. Also, Otto will eventually recover meaning that he won't need some poor sap like me to keep an eye on him. I need to find a place to live. Besides, I've got furniture and belongings left everywhere. Bits and pieces are at Mickey's and Bens. My piano is here at Otto's. I need to consolidate my life.

The day after is also frightfully cold however I push myself out of bed in the darkness and recommence the practise routine with Otto. As soon as the time hits nine o'clock I'm off the piano stool, baking the Swedish cookies no less. I don't mind the baking though because the oven warms up the kitchen.

By the time I plate up Otto's practising with military precision leaving little time to converse about anything.

Eve arrives later in the day. We awkwardly greet each other in the hallway and I turn to usher her to the music room when she stills. "I'm so sorry about the other night," she says, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I have no idea what for?" I say brightly.

"I was super drunk and Otto has these dreamy eyes so I made a pass."

"He's a guy. I'm sure he loved it."

"Are you okay with it?"

"Me?" I bristle. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be okay?"