Dealing With Absence » h. styles au

16ᵀᴴ CHAPTER

                                                   16ᵀᴴ CHAPTER               

                                  “Home isn't a place, it’s a feeling” 

“No, Zayn, thanks. I’m just fine, actually,” he answers immediately, playing with his empty box of cigarettes on the table, turning and tapping just for the sake of busying his eager fingers.

Zayn frowns around his bite on the sandwich and wipes the corners of his mouth smudged of ketchup before trying to speak again. “So you’re telling me that thing you’re living in is better than my house?”

Harry doesn’t know exactly why he’s talking to Zayn again. He doesn’t know how he even got to this, but suddenly it all feels so natural he feels like he can breathe again. Suddenly, it’s like past is back, but only the good part of it. It’s nowhere near what he’d thought it would be, to bring someone who’d seen him go through all what he did. It’s not weird, it’s not painful, and there’s not one bit of Chrissie on Zayn’s features. He hasn’t said a word about her, either; hasn’t even asked Harry about how he’s feeling, which is a pro, definitely.

“No,” Harry says slowly, as if to imply Zayn’s somewhat dumb. “I’m saying I’m just fine living there. Think you’ve had enough of dealing with drunken pricks arriving in the middle of the night crying out all of his problems,” he swallows dryly around the memory, tries to smile forcefully but it comes out more like a grimace. He moves on. “Plus, there’s this thing around your finger telling me I might be kicked out in behalf of someone else anytime soon.”

Zayn bites the inside of his cheek so hard Harry sees it turn to red in a blink of an eye, his unabashed smile evident from his fingers to the crinkles in the corner of his eyes. He’s so gone it’s ridiculous, and Harry tries to ignore the stinging in the back of his chest, trying to make him feel jealous and mad at Zayn for simply being happy.

He honestly can’t expect people to live as miserable as him just because his life went downhill. He’s really trying here, okay?

“You know I’d never-” Zayn starts saying, but Harry’s grin says it all, so he gives up with a sigh. “It’s not happening anytime soon, though, y’know? We don’t want to rush into this, and we just got engaged, so.”

Harry wants to believe him, he does, but his friend (God, Zayn’s his friend, his best friend, really) is just so giggly and giddy he can’t help but feel like he’s being fooled. It’s written all over his dark eyes how much he wants to wake up every day to the woman who’s stolen his heart. It’s obvious he wants it so much he can barely stay still, and Harry doesn’t think he’d like to be the third wheel inside their house. Also, he isn’t quite sure he’d be able to handle it.

“Whatever,” he ends up saying, straightens himself on the chair and checks his wristwatch. “No offense, but I’m not going back to living with you. It wouldn’t feel right anymore, dunno. It’s been a while, Zayn.”

“Fine,” he shrugs, a tad bit contradicted. “If that’s what you want, I won’t push it. But you know that if you change your mind, I’ll be right here, yeah? For anything, really.”

It hurts. It hurts so much, but in a good way. Because of course Zayn’s gonna be there. Of course Zayn has always been there. But Harry’s just so stupid, so selfish he couldn’t bother even answering his best mate’s calls when he was drowning into himself, and that same friend seemed to be the only one to actually care. Harry’s an idiot, but he’s gonna fix it. If anything, he’s at least going to try. With his friend, that is.