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A/N: Hey guys long time no see. Like always please comment about what you thought about the chapter. Also if you see a line like this (-----------------------------) it indicates the start of a new POV (point of view) or a new scene.

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Jimin's POV

           

Your hand carefully moves closer to mine. You think I'm asleep but I'm just pretending; I started pretending to avoid Jin and continue to do so after he's left to avoid you. To avoid your knowing gaze.

I can feel the warmth emitting off of your hand, your hesitant hand hovering over my face now. It's been there for a while now and the warmth that was foreign a few seconds ago has started to grow on me, subconsciously I lean my face in the direction of the warmth. And just as I begin to snuggle in closer, the warmth disappears. I guess your hand shot away pretty fast because I felt a gust of wind just as the warmth disappeared... Are you worried that you might wake me up? Are you uncomfortable around me after what happened the other night? Afraid I'll mention it?

I ruined things didn't I?

I know I did. But as much as I revisit that moment, as much as I think about it... I don't think my answer would be different. I have no answer for you Yoongi.

Your words make me waver sometimes and I do think about you, your place in my heart and mind is more than temporary but you only hold a place like a few others in my life. The feelings between us will only become the kind of mutual you want them to be if you can build a home in those places you occupy but that's impossible right now because someone else occupies most of the places inside of me. He started building that home inside of me much before your arrival into my life.

I probably should have just turned you down but you see I can't do that either. I feel like I'm on an episode of bachelorette... Your hands back; this time your thumb traces my hairline, I can feel your fingers lightly pressing down on my baby hairs. I'm thankful, thank you for caring about my appearance in a hospital, you're a keeper... And that's exactly why I didn't completely erase the idea of us because you're a keeper. In his absence you're the one I look for and maybe if Seokjin and I hadn't met the way we did, maybe things would be different. It's a plausible outcome.

You see Yoongi even though I believe him to be my home, my safe place; he's actually the opposite because every second with him for the last year has felt like a danger zone, I pay so much attention to what I say when I'm with him that it's almost physically painful to hold myself back from what I really want to say. 

He is my home but he is an incomplete home because I am not sure if I too am a home to him. He has never expressed anything for me to consider it. He cannot be my home unless I am his too. And I don't think I am; Jin is like a vacuum, he'll take it all in but never give back. He likes to keep to himself and though I too am reserved, I try my best to open up but he's sealed shut. It's a guessing game with him except there's almost no way to tell if I've gotten the answer right because he'll never tell me. It's frustrating, I don't really know him after knowing him for so long. He won't let me know. Why won't he let me know?

It's different with you though Yoongi, though you hesitate you are always direct with what you feel and what you expect of me. I saw it that night, you cared enough to lessen the tension when I moved your hand away, the waver in your voice and your shaking pupils didn't try to mask the disappointment you felt. I knew I hurt you, the guilt I felt wasn't pleasant but it felt human. I felt your sincerity, Yoongi and it made me feel wanted. You have no idea how hard I've tried to achieve that feeling with him.