After Hope

Lost

..I looked out the window to see the stars slowly faint away. It was cold and dark in my room, the only comfort I had coming from the noise of the hard rain falling on the ceiling. I sat up and raked my hands through my curly hair which loosely cascaded a little below my shoulder. It was the beginning of a new day and the end of another sleepless night.Friday was finally here but the thought of having to go to school alone had me flopping right back on the bed.

I had a deep hatred for school.

The huge building that was considered West crow high school, was the home of the cliche. You had the normal kids,dumb jocks, the nerds, the technology nerds, the pranksters(which included the one and only;)),the outcast,The assholes,and the oh so loved—Queen bitches. Now It isn't all that bad as you think it is considering I had made the popular crew sound so horrible. I know my place and know how to defend myself in these types of situations,thankfully. So no problem here.

After debating with myself if I should stay or not I quickly choose the latter(sadly)and get up.  Making my way to the bathroom I looked into the mirror. A girl was staring back at me with eyes that no longer held the happiness that they used to. Hidden behind those dark irises was a lost,broken child. The same child whos pain caused her to change and change the way people saw her.She developed a desire in the pursuit of trouble overtime,that she thought would keep everyone away from her. And she succeeded.

I'm Cleo Martin. 17 years old as of last week, and a junior at the high school. I consider myself outgoing and imaginative. Others see me as if I'm something other than a human, as if I'm some fire that they thought would burn them if they went near me.

To be honest I'm not as lonely as I make myself sound. I have my mom who still try's to get me back to my old self again, and my best friend, Heidi, who was the only person I could stand for a while.

I picked up my toothbrush and toothpaste and started to brush my teeth. After taking a quick hot shower and putting on my black rose hoodie, dark skinny jeans and black converse, I made my way downstairs where I saw my mother.

She was making what seemed to be pancakes and had her favorite apron on. When she noticed me she sent a little smile my way and I paid her back with one myself.

Meet Wren Hart, my mother. She had brown hair that had lots of big curls and was always styled up in a messy bun. She loved to bake and I always remembered the times she and my dad would teach me some basics.

Her strawberry apron was her most cherished possession since it happened to be a gift from my dad. He always got her a new one every year and I never failed to see the love in his eyes when she saw it. She always knew what it would be but she learned to always enjoy the little things in life,which made me love her even more as a kid.

I always used to wonder how my dad fell in love with her but I quickly found that out with her big green eyes filled with joy and certainty and her smile that lit up our world. We took all that away.

The woman that was in front of me right now didn't look like my mother. She had bags under her eyes that matched my own not to long ago and I know she's not ok. I just don't know how to deal with these types of things,you know?

Your mother was always someone to look up to as a kid. She was my hero and my shoulder to cry on, for the simplest things like losing my favorite teddy penguin, to the big things like my first heartbreak when I was 16. Now the roles had switched and it's my mother who does the crying and like me being me. I stand there.

Getting out of my thoughts I remembered that school started soon so I went over to the plate full of the delicious heaven and silently ate some before getting ready to leave. I turned around near the doorway to look at my mother who was sat at the table with her head in her hands and a cup of coffee, quietly sobbing. I stared at her my eyes fill with guilt.

"I'm so sorry mom" I whispered and made my way out the door.

Heidi couldn't meet up with me today which left me alone wrapped up in my thoughts of how my life used to be. The memory's I just imagined of happy times with my parents were quickly broken down by the image of my moms crying figure.I looked down at the ground ashamed of everything that made such a happy family fall apart.

After crossing a few streets and walking more blocks, the school came to view. Teens started to appear everywhere and In a blink of an eye I mentally put a wall around myself  and had my guard up like I've been doing for the past few months.

As I walked through the courtyard I noticed people moving out of my way and shooting me glances while whispering to their friends.

Let the day begin.