we begin atop a metal table.
a backpack is unzipped, revealing a collection of three or four mason jars of liquids,
all varying in color.
it's like a witch's shop.
each potion comes with a different set of side effects.
my best friend pulls out the jars;
she is the supplier after all,
and i immediately unscrew one.
i am the first to conquer the beast.
the first swig of poison
crawls down my throat
and burns.
i conciously do not flinch.
i have to look cool
for all of these people that i don't know.
i take many swigs.
i dance
i put on and remove my hoodie
the weather is so temperamental.
the following hour is boring.
we run and dance about.
we assign a distant corner as the place we go
to piss away the liquids that fill us with bubbles
and make our heads scream.
nearing the end of the hour
my best friend and i frolick about.
this is fine.
tipsy,
the tip of the iceburg.
we laugh
like its okay.
the mason jars are slowly decreasing in contents held within them.
everyone drinks the poison.
i drink more
and more.
and when we are far enough
from everyone else
i see my best friend spew
clear nothingness into the grass
like water.
it is
not water.
she laughs
it is too high pitched.
she is scared.
don't tell anyone.
i won't.
are you okay?
yes.
we return.
the night drags on.
my head becomes a jumbled
and panicked mess.
a fog encircles my brain
embracing it
and squeezing tighter with each passing minute.
substance is poured down my throat by my own unassuming hand.
it becomes dangerous
because i don't remember what happens.
just bits and pieces.
scraps
like chunks of meat tossed out,
or pictures ripped apart.
slumped over in a lawn chair by the fire pit, and then falling over.
stumbling and spiraling into the dirt
because my brain no longer controls my legs.
at one point i make myself throw up seven times
into the reeds.
i cannot talk.
slurs exit my mouth.
you sound like a fucking idiot.
my friend slaps me
get your shit together.
you need to calm down.
my friend goes missing.
she ran into a field.
i need water.
somebody get me water.
people start to ask if i'm okay.
i do not know.
i do not remember.
suddenly i am atop a hill
waiting for my best friend's parents to come
and take us home.
i was carried up here.
by who?
a boy.
which boy?
not my boyfriend, that's certain.
we ride in the car
i am slumped over and then
hey
i need to
stop the car i can't
and then all my stomach spills out of me.
it hits the ground in a hot stream.
her mom groans in disgust.
the car pulls over
suddenly i am on the side of the road
on my knees
in the grass.
like i'm praying
spitting
then more vomit
praying
it's been ten minutes
or five
praying
i am in the car
it smells awful.
i am in the shower now.
i am asleep under the warm rain.
what is this warm rain?
shower.
this is an all time low.
YOU ARE READING
poems they'll never see
Poetryi'm a pussy and these are words i didn't say because i was afraid i'd sound too smart. i also don't give a shit how this does in terms of "popularity" because this is simply another journal; just digital instead of paper and ink.
