The Art of Avoidance

06

C H A P T E R  S I X

As far as uncomfortable conversations go, this had to be one of the worst. Matt carefully skirted around the topic for a solid half hour, which was really a waste of both our time. He was so unsure of himself that his interrogation had been headed nowhere. It also didn't help how I hardly felt obligated to humor him, answering his questions as vaguely as possible.

He'd clearly never come across someone with ADHD before, because he acted as though I just told him I had the plague. It's simpler than that. I have a slight disability which has kept me from reaching my full potential in the past. I can still go to class, study my ass off, and pass the tests just as any other college student can.

After assuring him for the umpteenth time I was not in fact a walking time-bomb he seemed to relax. The conversation steered toward a more psychological standpoint and I began to feel he understood the situation. "Have you ever tried getting any help with focus and difficulty comprehending?" He questioned, now fully engrossed in my case.

"I've had a tutor for as long as I can remember. The dyslexia makes comprehending in the classroom a slight challenge. But I've always been against taking slower courses, because I didn't want my learning disability to stand in the way of my education. The tutor helps to review subjects we went through super fast."

It felt strange opening up to Matt like this. The only person I'd ever really talked to about this sort of thing was Elliot, and my mother.

Thinking about her made me remember the most recent phone call I had with her- the phone call I abruptly ended after she began to press me on asking Matt to be my occasional tutor.

It really wasn't a bad thought. And considering he lived down the hall, arranging study hours would be a breeze. Matt looked to be thinking over the new information I handed him. His brows furrowed as he processed my words and it was then he spoke up.

"Have you found a new tutor here yet?" He asked, seemingly intrigued. There it was. A perfect lead into the question I hadn't dared to ask that night I was on the phone and Matt overheard mention of his name.

"I actually have someone in mind I've been meaning to look into." I winced at my choice of words and watched as Matt's shoulders fell giving me a curt nod.  He almost acted disappointed by this news. I'm certain he had no idea the 'someone in mind' was him. So I didn't understand why he looked so disappointed.

"That's great. You should ask them." I shook my head furiously to delay the all impending question I've had billowing up in my throat for the past week. It was strange too, the words he spoke were meant to hold enthusiasm, but as I replayed them in my head all I can come up with is a feeling of dismay.

"Well if you can't build up the nerve to ask this mysterious someone I am always here to help. I actually volunteered in the tutoring center at my high school." Matt said, and then it clicked. He was upset because he wanted to be the one to tutor me. How was he suppose to know the person I was talking about was him?

For no reason at all I began to laugh, uncontrollably I might add. I had been contemplating this question in my head for the past couple of weeks, and here's Matt offering to do exactly what I was afraid to ask him to do. His brows furrowed and his nose scrunched up in confusion.

"What's so funny? Is the idea of me tutoring you really that horrible?" His tone was fierce and I could sense some hurt behind it. I shut my mouth in an instance, and then opened it again to speak. "No not at all. It's just the person I had been thinking of asking was you. I was too scared to do it though, and now I feel like a total idiot for being worried."