7 years ago ~ Jesy Nelson

O N E

JESY POV
I still regret the day seven years ago when I gave up my baby girl. I just want to know that she's happy, healthy, and safe. Her name I still remember, Phoebe Louise Nelson. I sometimes wish she was older than seven and I could check her social medias, all I want to know is that she's happy.

The girls and I share everything, and I mean everything. Sometimes it gets a little too personal and we have to stop the conversation, we don't want to know everything about each other's love life. I however, am single. I've not really been a fan of this dating stuff since I had phoebe, as soon as they start talking about children and marriage I tend to get scared and then they no longer want to be in a relationship with me. I really really want to tell the girls about her, maybe it would help. They get worried some days, when I get myself really down about it. I just tell them I'm missing home, however I don't think they're buying it.

The one thing that makes me forget about everything though, is being on tour. Luckily we have a show tonight so I can give myself something to be excited about.

"JESY! PERRIE! We're ready for you in the booth!" Adam and Aaron our makeup and hair stylists shout
"Coming!" Leigh and I sing in unison
Once we walk into the trailer Leigh Anne sits in makeup first because her hair takes ages to get done.
"So how are you two feeling about the show tonight?" Azza asks
"I'm feeling confident for this one, I think the crowd will be good and hopefully we get to meet some little mixers after!" I say happily
"I love meeting the mixers, it might be my favourite part of being in the Industry." Leigh Anne sighed happily
"Same leigh leigh" I smiled

After about 2 hours in hair and makeup, Perrie, Jade, Leigh Anne and I sat near the television and joked around before we went on stage. These girls were one of my only sources of happiness. The tour had only just started out and we still hadn't thought of a slogan like we had for the rest of out tours.
"Girls, we need a tune for before we go on stage like we've had at all our other tours!" Perrie cheered
"Yeah we do, the mixers loved the get weird one 'when all is lost and love is tragic cast a spell it's called black magic!'" Jade spoke
"Hmm, what's our favourite song to preform?" I asked
"Shout out to my ex!" We all shouted
"After the show, we can make one up, how about that?" Leigh Anne smiled

On stage the atmosphere was amazing, I loved seeing all of their little faces light up when we walked out it was better than anything. When we went off stage we could hear the crowd chanting that they wanted more so we quickly got changed and went back on stage, our happy place. Hearing them singing to all of ours songs made us all so happy, it shows the purpose of why we do this. As we were nearing the end of the show shoutout to my ex was our last song to sing, everyone was jumping around, shouting, and having fun and this is why it was our favourite song. We loved to see the crowd happy.
"Thank you so much for tonight greenwich, we've loved being here and we hope that you've loved having us!" Jade shouted in her Geordie accent
And with the sound of the roaring crowd, we left the stage.

"That was an Amazing show girlies" Leigh said
"I agree!" I replied
"Let's get changed so we can meet some mixers before we go out to the tour bus" Perrie smiled with content

Once we changed into a more casual wear than our tour clothes we ran from the trailer to the gates with our sharpies to sign things and take photos.

"Can I have a photo!" "Please can you sign this!" "I love you!" And so on we're constantly being shouted at us as we made our way through the crowd. But as we neared the end, one little girl caught my eye. She had long dark brown curly hair and big green eyes, she looked about 6 or 7 maybe.
"Excuse me please can I have a photo?" She asked quietly
"Of course we can darling! Can we have one for us girls too?" We asked
"Yes" the young girl smiled
Once we had taken the photo we all individually hugged the petite girl and she told us that she was a big fan of us.
Just as we were finishing our conversation, we heard a voice of a worried lady loudly shouting. As she approached the young girl she finally calmed down "oh darling thank goodness you're okay" she breathed a sigh of relief
"I'm sorry mummy I just really really wanted to meet little mix, do you forgive me" she begged
We all smiled like lunatics at the mother daughter conversation
"Phoebe Louise Nelson, of course I forgive you." Her mother said, glancing me a look
My heart sunk, and my breathing became heavy but before I could cry I quickly whispered to Leigh Anne that I wasn't feeling well and wanted to go back to the tour bus.

When I arrived back at the bus I ran into my bunk and cried, that's all I could do, cry. All I'd ever wanted to know is that she'd be happy and I finally knew it but It didn't help me, I wanted to go out there and tell the young girl that I loved her, that I never meant to do what I did and that one day she could maybe forgive me. But I couldn't ruin everything she'd ever lived with, I couldn't ruin her life anymore.

The girls came running back to the bus and as soon as they walked through the door I heard jade say "I'm going to go and check on Jesy." No, she couldn't see me like this.
"Jesy I know you're not sleeping, you can't fool me" jade laughed, but when she heard the sniffle come from my mouth and immediately became worried.
"Jesy what's wrong please tell me what's wrong" she demanded as she climbed onto my bed.
I just cried into her shoulder, this was what I wanted right now someone who would just sit there whilst I cried and cried and cried. We must of been sat there for about 20 minutes with nobody saying a word before i heard the other two come in 'you've been in here a whi-" Perrie was cut off as they ran to my side. The three of them kept asking what was wrong so I finally decided to tell them. "Do you know the young girl out there, with dark hair? Her name was Phoebe." I whimpered
"Yeah?" They asked questioningly
"Well, she's, she's my, she's my biological daughter." I cried loudly
"Jesy what?" They all asked shocked
"When I was 19, I fell pregnant with her."