mr. jerk Or mr. charming - E. smith x reader x M. zacharias (modern AU)

Chapter XIII - Loneliness

A knock woke me up.
"Mike? [Y/N]? Are you all dressed up?" A warm voice addressed us in a polite tone, she was about to turn the handle.

I panicked but Mike got up immediately from the floor and took off his shirt and kicked the blanket under the bed.
"Just a moment, mom." He got quickly under the sheets and hugged me tight as I whispered faintly a faint "what the fuck", slightly surprised.

"Ok, come in."

The tall woman opened the door and smiled, she was so happy.
Giggling elegantly she told us to come down to eat something before going back.
I was feeling really uncomfortable as his hug got tighter, when his mother finally left the room.
"You're choking me." I cried out and he laughed letting me go.
"Let's go downstairs..."
I looked around me "Why did you take your shirt off?"
Mike hesitated before speaking casually "To make sure it looked believable..." He then chuckled lightly.
I deeply sighed.

After eating, he got out to start the car, I stayed on the entrance, a weird feeling invading my insides.
I checked the white door again and then looked up at the sky. It was clouded and about to rain. Something gave me a really bad sensation.
As I got to the car door, a dead leaf fell on my shoulder, it was almost black and still it endured on the branch even if its life was almost over. Little did I know that, something was about to destroy that apparent peace.

"Are you going to keep this lie to your parents? They are such good people I don't want to hurt them you know..."
The car moved fast as Mike didn't look at me.

He looked ahead without blinking "I don't intend to marry whichever gold digger they think it's a good match for me."

"Even if that's the case, it's because they care about you..."

"They didn't do this shit with Erwin!" Mike was getting angrier by the time.

"Wh... What if it's a good woman? A woman you'll eventually get to love?"

He almost answered in an impulse but shut it for a moment and then spoke again. "I told you yesterday, I like you, I don't want anyone else."

My throat got sore, he didn't even know me that much, I'm not sure why he liked me. My heart ached, I felt as if I was being put in a corner, I felt confused again.
He glanced at me and read my expression.
I knew for sure he felt frustrated and it was my fault. I told him I couldn't return his feelings right in that moment, I had.
I still treasured him so much though...
"I'm asking again... Please answer honestly... Please?!" His tone went desperate and I swear I could feel my heart beating inside my throat.
"Are you interested in my brother...? Do you like Erwin?"

I was at loss of words, speechless.
I didn't know what to say, even if it was the same question as yesterday.
Did I like Erwin? Mike? Did I still live thinking about my past?
I felt dizzy.

"Honestly..." Mike waited, inpatient.
"I don't know. I don't know if it's you or it's him who keeps me up at night. I don't fucking know! This is just too much for my brain cells..."
I noticed we had already reached the city. The weather was even worse.

"Please, Mike, let me get off. I'm walking elsewhere. Thank you for everything."
I expected denial from him, telling me it was dangerous or that it was about to pour down but he just opened the door for me and looked elsewhere.
But before I got out he said something.

"I think you're right. I must tell my parents that I lied. I'll tell them you just wanted to help me so, don't worry. Maybe it's better if we..." Mike swallowed saliva "Never mind, get wherever you're going to safe."

I watched as the car drove away from me.
Cold rain started to fall from above and everything seemed to go wrong.
I didn't want to lose Mike.
I missed Erwin.
I wanted to punch Levi.
And cry on Hanji's shoulder.

Everything was falling apart and it was my damned fault.
I continued to walk without destination and eventually night came.
I was feeling like shit and didn't even consider that my clothes were wet and my head hurt.

I found myself coming home late, Mike's lights were off as Erwin's.
I didn't even bother to turn them on myself as I put the key and entered.
I reached the kitchen and looked for alcohol.
I found any, so I prepared tea, I wouldn't have slept that night.
The moon was beautiful even though it was covered by black clouds.
It had stopped raining...

The phone rang the exact same moment I was about to doze off.
I picked it up, scared from the loud sound echoing throughout the house.

"Hello?" I didn't recognize the number.

"..." Nobody spoke a word, I was about to hung up when a low cough interrupted me.
"[Y/N]? Did I wake you up?" His voice felt like a faint whisper, but it was him, alway good timing.

"E-Erwin? No. I-I can't sleep." I was slightly happy about his call.

"Mh..." He sighed tired "I... I wanted to know if you were missing me." I could feel nervousness in his deep voice, but he sounded exhausted .

"N-No! You wish, old man! How is it going? It's been 3 weeks already. Do you plan on living there?" I just spoke casually to him, even though I felt miserable, didn't want to give him a bad vibe when he sounded so fatigued.
Light voices talked in the distance and a permanent, incessant little noise could be heard.
Something was wrong.
" Is everything alright?"

His voice disappeared, together with his heavy breathing. Just the noise.
"... Yes. Everything is fine..." He let out a pained moan. "I-I just wanted to hear your voice. Now that I did I can finally rest..." Silence came up again as I started to worry. I knew he was smiling through the phone even if I wasn't able to see him.
His breathing wasn't steady and his low, slow talking was strange.
<<Hangover?>> I thought smiling faintly.

" Then sleep tight, Mr. Handsome..."
I held a hand to my chest and tried to stop my heartbeat that was worrying too much.

"... Yeah, you too..." A female voice said something on the other line, it seemed like an old lady.

"S-see you soon, Erwin."
I smiled peacefully even if something weighted on my chest.

"[Y/N]-" His voice sounded like a faint cry as he hung up.

I heard his sweet tone turning into a miserable cry. Maybe he was really drunk but the thought that something worse was up didn't leave my head.

<<If he called he must be okay.>> I thought to calm myself down.
I drank my tea quickly and left the dark living room.

I had a nightmare that night but when the morning came, I had forgot about it.