'did you know that the moon is just another star, only much bigger?'
he whispered softly, staring into the almost empty sky. the stars weren't out much tonight, though the glowing moon had made up for their absence.
his head turned sideways, and I felt his eyes gaze from the sky upon me. 'i didnt.' i spoke back softly. then quiet took over again, at least in the air. we were laying on a blanket, the 3 am night sky above us. and it could've been perfect, picture perfect, if it wasnt for my head.
tonight especially, my thoughts didnt seem to care about the sky, or his presence tonight. they were running a marathon and were singing Christmas songs in july.
because tonight I couldn't feel the sky, or the stars, or anything surrounding me.
a sigh came from beside me. his hand reached out, his fingertips touching mine lightly. his hands were warm, and gave a nice feeling against my cold skin. 'did i space out again?' I whispered, slowly lowering my chest as I released a long held breath. I did that often when there was a lot on my mind.
'you did.' he said smiling, though I could tell in his head he was not. he was worried, and sad for us two. because he could enjoy the universe while i was still searching for one.
it was empty above. and I couldn't understand why, as this universe above for him wasnt hard to find. and I knew i was sure in one, but even with the grass underneath, below
the air we breathe i couldnt find anything to feel real, not like it used to.
his presence used to be enough, when i'd feel on top of the world with him by my side, but I cant find the stars, nor the grass below anymore to be here. right now i can't find even find him to be clear.
from now, years later, maybe even more he'll look back and he'll tell me about the night with the love of his life by his side. how we watched the stars at 3 am shutdoor. how not even they could compare to me glowing in the nights decor.
but the sad thing is that i wont remember. not like he'll tell at least. cause i'll remember a christmas evening in July, where I felt as empty as the well in our old backyard. ill remember me sitting with a caring stranger by my side. the supposedly beautiful night sky as his only gift, for me to be the one to reject all of it.
/ it feels fake and unreal. maybe its too big, maybe its all this pain. but I can't grasp it, not the way you seem to explain.
