The Inescapable Truth (ON HIATUS)

Why Don't They Love Me?

       For as long as Loki could remember, Thor was always there. Thor was always a thief. If Loki wanted it, Thor got it. Loki tried to be good, to deserve Odin's absent love. But he at least got Frigga's affections.
         Magic would forever be Loki's saving grace. The one thing Thor would never be able to steal the glory of from him.

          The first time Loki really noticed the lack of love between Thor, Odin, and himself was probably his eighth birthday. He had discreetly asked for an Igdrasil cake and a collection of spell books Frigga had told him about. Then Thor opened his mouth and demanded a new sword and that he be given the entirety of the cake. Odin had proudly taken Thor to the blacksmith's to choose a blade then had the servents present the young blonde prince with the cake Loki had earlier requested. Loki was forgotten on a day that should have been celebrated in his honor. Frigga, at least, cared enough to spend the time until night with Loki and gave him a lovely deep forest green riding cloak enchanted to stay warm no matter how cold it got outside it.
            But Loki had noticed it now. Thor would deny it, but he held no love for his younger green eyed brother. Or at least that's what Loki thought.
            It didn't take long for Loki to develope harmful habits designed to garner attention from the man that was supposed to be his father. He didn't even care that it was the wrong sort of attention, because it was something at least. He relished each bit of pain he endured at Odin's hands in name of punishment simply because during the punishment, all of Odin's attention was on him, not Thor.
            Then Odin started to hand his punishments off to others. And thus Loki started to self-harm at the tender age of 12. He enjoyed watching the blood flow from his wrists. He thought about ending it all. It might be worth it, you know. Maybe, somewhere in Valhalla or Hel, he could find someone that would love him for him. Someone that wouldn't be disappointed with his existence.
             Several thousand years passed by and word of Thor's imminent coronation spread like wild fire, and Loki knew he had to stop it. Despite Asgard holding no affection for him, Loki truly did care for the wellfare of his home. So Loki bandaged his latest wound and prepared to allow a small group of Frost Giants into the vaults to attempt to steal the Casket of Ancient Winters. He did so secretly because he knew they would not succeed.
              He then set about cautiously spurring Thor on so that Odin would realize the spoilt monster he had created. Loki wanted Odin to see how ill-suited Thor was too the throne. In the end, Loki knew Thor would abuse his power as King of Asgard. After all, all Thor had ever known was the pampered love of a doting father. And still Loki wondered why Odin didn't love him.
              Then he had his answer. Odin didn't love him because he was a monster. The runt son of a monster. A frost giant. Odin wasn't even his biological father. Odin had no reason to feel affection towards Loki. Shortly after Thor's banishment and Odin and Loki's argument over the Casket, Odin fell into the Odin Sleep and Loki had to temporarily take the throne.
             Loki still hated himself. In fact, he now hated himself more than before. He was one of the monsters parents tell their children of when they go to sleep at night. He was a freak and not worthy of existence. So he formulated a plan. Thor was not worthy of the throne, and he was not worthy of much of anything. So he set about discouraging Thor on Midgard and preparing for his 'brother's' return. If Loki played it just right, Thor would be back soon. He would be able to witness the fall of Jotunheim, then kill Loki himself. Loki hoped Thor would kill him. Loki would eliminate the race of monsters he was born of. Then he would eliminate himself using the cunning he had been forced to develope over the years to stay alive amongst the wagging tongues and harsh bullying of his childhood.
But it didn't work.
Thor had refused to kill him. Then Odin had tried to save him. It was too much. So he let go. He fell. It was easy, he thought. He would be dead soon, he knew it. He had fallen into the void after all. Nobody survived that.
Yet somehow he did. The Chitauri found him. He had submitted easily. What point was there in resistance? Then the offer came. Revenge. Thor had refused to kill him. Had condemned him to this hell.
So Loki would rule earth as recompense for all the hurt. Loki would destroy it all. But  orders came first. Retrieve the Tesseract. That's more important than petty revenge.
At first, Loki thought he was winning. That he would be able to make his brother suffer with the suffering of Midgard and its inhabitants.
But it didn't work. Again. Those wretchedly wonderful Avengers had defeated him. And he still didn't have the mercy of death.