The Inescapable Truth (ON HIATUS)

Chapter Two

Loki sat desolate in his cell in the bowels of Asgard. He knew he wasn't getting out anytime soon, and he knew that as a prince the guards would be watching him too closely for  a suicide attempt to mean anything. His magic was nearly completely bound and he had no reason to use it anyway.
Suicide may not be a logical option, but patience definitely was. Loki's punishment would end eventually. He simply had to endure the seemingly endless solitude. So he took to softly singing Midgardian songs to pass the time in his solitary prison. One of his favorites was Running Up That Hill. He particularly loved how much it described how he felt.
He held no grudge against Midgard for his defeat. He rather enjoyed the world if he were truthful. The Midgardians he had met and not threatened or controlled had been exceedingly friendly and he found that many of the little humans were rather in tune with their hearts and minds; something that was exceedingly rare on Asgard. Each Midgardian was their own unique person, and they expressed themselves freely and easily. They were not ashamed if they were not as physical as others, and they were not ashamed if they did not fit the status quo.
Loki wished in vain he could be like them. So comfortable in his own skin. But he doubted anyone could ever handle the amount of internalized racism he dealt with every second of every day. He would never be what he wanted to be. He didn't expect to ever become what he wanted to be. He was a Jotun, and he knew that Jotuns were always monsters.
Loki was and always would be a monster.
That day Loki was singing his sorrows, completely unaware of his blonde menace audience.
"If I only could, make a deal with God. Get him to swap our places."
Loki sang quietly as he leaned against the wall and stared depressedly(a/n is this even a word? It is now) at the ceiling.
He never even noticed Thor approaching until he was finished and Thor quietly greeted him by complementing his singing. How Thor managed to 'quietly' greet him, Loki hadn't a clue. It seemed to be a great oxymoron. Thor and quietly should never be in the same sentence, and yet it somehow applied in this instance.
"How are you today, brother?" Thor inquired, standing as close to the barrier as he dared get.
"What do you want Thor?" Loki sneered, glaring hatefully at the crown prince of Asgard. His black hair, once well kept, soft, and shiny, hung in oily strands around his pale face.

Loki was tired, yes, but he was never to tired to taunt Odin's favorite son. Thor made it easy too. He presented Loki with perfect opportunities to verbally berate him and make him angry. It used to be great fun when they were younger.

"Do you come to mock me in my defeat,  brother? Come to tell me how you miss my presence at your side? Isn't it funny how when I was there, you did not want me; but now that I am gone you want me so close." Loki glared spitefully at the blonde prince. "Tell me, Odinson, would you have me as your entertainment once again? A quivering practice dummy for your fists. A monster for you to vanquish?"

"You are no monster, Loki. You are my brother, regardless of your blood."

" Is that so? Has Odin not told you of my origins? Surely he has by now. Surely you know how much both you and I wished for the destruction of Jotunheim  and the Jotuns when we were but children. You cannot simply forget a hatred such as the one you held, Thor."

"Aye, and I have not forgotten. I admit that I was a cruel and thoughtless child. Especially to you, brother, for your desire to master your aesir over learning to fight as I did. Now I have come to respect you for learning your strength rather than your weakness. You have always been stronger than me, even if you do not believe so."

"Oh? And tell me, my prince, how is it that I am stronger than the great Thor?"

"You may think I never noticed, but I did see how much you fought for our father's attentions. I was selfish and purposefully stole as much of him from you as I could. I drove you down this path and I wish everyday I could turn back time and fix the damage I have wrought upon your heart."

"Nothing can fix this, Thor. I hate you; I hate Odin; I hate Asgard; and I hate everything this world could possibly offer me. Have you any idea how much I vied for even a second of the love Odin showed you every day? How I wished someone other than mother would acknowledge me and my importance?" Loki spat in his rage. He hurled abuse after abuse at Thor as he let loose his sufferings, not even bothering to hide how he felt; how he had been affected by his treatment throughout his life. For a reason unknown to him, he told Thor everything. "Have you any idea how much I wished you would be the one to kill me, either on the bifrost or on midgard. Have you any clue how much this continued torturous existence pains me? How much - " Loki paused to suddenly catch his breath and release a shaky sigh as a single tear rolled down his cheek. " How much I begged the fates for my death as I fell. I am broken and worthless, Thor. I have no value to either you nor anybody else. For what purpose does Odin keep me alive? Have I not caused him enough trouble to warrant my execution?"

"Is this what you truly feel, brother?" Thor questioned in a depressed whisper, tears dissolving into his blonde beard. "Do you really suffer so much to wish that your own family would want you dead?"

"You have never been my family, Thor."

"I suppose to you I have not. I caused your abuse. I caused your pain. I will never be able to atone for the suffering I now know I have caused you." Thor appeared truly remorseful. But Loki would not buy what fate knew was the truth, but he perceived as a beautiful lie. Loki would not live a lie. He would not allow himself to be pulled down so low as to believe such false admitions of guilt and love.

"Perhaps you should leave, Thor. Surely you have been down here long enough. Your mother and father may begin to worry." Loki turned dull green eyes back to stare at the sterile white wall.

"Aye. I will leave you be, brother. But know that I will return. I will spend an eternity atoning for my sins against you. Every morning and every evening will be spent in your presence from this day forth. Until tomorrow morning brother."

Before Loki could protest, Thor was gone.