Sleepless Night

Solitude

There are many things that I grow weary of but I think the thing I despise most is this gorging feeling I have. The feeling of solitude. Feeling that I'm in some cold dark hole looking up to see the opening leading to happiness. I find myself able to see enough out of it that it brings me happiness from what I can see and hear while forgetting about this loneliness that lingers in my heart. Though when I'm brought back to this reality it tears me down more than anything else in the world. The fact that there is only me. The one who feel the need to throw my hands out in hopes that someone would see me and at least help me in these times. I long for the feeling to feel loved like anyone else in the world but I find myself being wrapped in the arms of darkness and disparity more than anything else in the world. Comforted by my own thoughts of what happiness is when really it's all just a fantasy played back over and over again. Truth is that I've tried to find someone that might be for me. I've tried near and far only to come up with nothing or the feeling of loneliness when I was with them. It's pathetic really thinking that there would be someone for me but that's another sob story I suppose. I'm just so tired of relying on my own artificial happiness. Looking the part but not feeling the part. I see myself and think how can I be someone else. In my eyes I am not me. I'm everyone else I've ever encountered because the people I've seen are strong people who are well known by other people and are happy. So every time I do something I change into someone else. If that all makes sense. I'm a mix of everyone else because everyone else is so much more amazing than me. I am my best friend, the guy that lived close to me, the smart guy in the school, the funny one, but I'm none of those at the same time. I'm me. Quite, shy, and stupid me who is not any of those other things. I'm just sick of it. When I come back down I mean.