noodling around

.dedication.

   I dont know what happened. 
   I dont know what's happening. 
   One minute I'm smiling and laughing with someone dear to me and the next they're miles away, leaving lonliness and solitude in my path.
   Sure, it was only a year, but that year was filled with so many memorable memories.  Memories to bring a person out of their sorrows, to make someone smile and grin about the idiocy and awkwardness, to keep that person full of happiness and a bright beacon of hope.  If only that person knew how much they were cherished and the mass amount of effect they had. 
   There were little arguments, petty arguments and disagreements, but if that wasn't there, would it really be all that great?  Even those things shape the type of friendship we have, and make it even harder to let go.
   As the news of leaving was told, it was heartbreaking.  Who else would be there to make me smile?  To make me feel like I exist?
   The memories and careless chats overflowed throughout those months, those 5 months of agony.
   Maybe there was even a little bit of hope this was all a dream.
   Reality was coming closer, time felt like it was slipping through my fingers like water.  There was no way to stop it however hard I tried.
   I tried to make the best of those last weeks, try my best to make them feel like years.  I dont know if it worked, but I hope it was enough.  Even with the stress of other activities, I carried on, still dreading the upcoming deadline.
   It was soon time to spill the truth.
   Quite the emotional wreck it was, to look back on it I would see regret and sadness. 
   Why didnt I put it in more effort for them? 
   Are they happy?
   What will happen after I'm gone..?
   What will happen to me after I'm gone...?
   Those thoughts were a constant recurrence in the last few weeks.
   Well!  The day came, it was my last day to see everyone.  And my last day to see my best... Best friend.
   Near sobs, tears, goodbyes and hugs, but none of that would cover for what I left. 
   I left someone who was amazingly fantastic in every way, quirky and dorky but always managed to smile and infect others with it.  That person who was one of a kind, a bright star in the night sky, a needle in a haystack.  No matter what, nothing is ever able to replace you.  You, who's completely unique against all the rest, who's personality is your own, who has the willpower to be yourself.  I left this person-
   -but!  We may be miles apart, in completely different areas, have our own problems and have a different life, but that won't stop us from doing anything we did before.  We may not see each other physically, but once you earn their trust, see certain parts of their personality, you can almost perfectly picture their reactions. 
   When they laugh or smile, when they're irritated or embarrassed.
   Because of this, it can feel like you never left.  They still make you smile and laugh and so, so happy. 
   Never give up on something, even if it feels like the world or whatever it is, is pushing and pulling you down into the pit of despair and sorrow.  It'll all pay out in the end, even if its not the fairytale ending you might hope for, its better than nothing.
   So promise to always keep going, always know there's a way out in the darkest corners, always have someone you trust in.
   Okay?

~July 11, 2017~