She just cant!

She let him go. From outside yeah she did let him go...She made everyone believe it, she told every person that "I let him go" but she just couldn't believe it on her own and couldn't tell this to herself. She knew she could never let him go... She thought it's a waste of time even thinking of letting him go. But she didn't realize that she was wasting time holding on to him. If she would have realized it earlier maybe this wont be happening. Maybe she would have been bright and shiny rather being dark and cloudy. Maybe she would have been smiling and laughing all the time rather than faking smiles, hiding her tears, crying on the washroom floor or while sleeping. She thought to give it a chance and now she is so deeply obsessed with him and his friendship that now she cant live without seeing him or listening his voice. She has gone crazy .She talks to him while seeing his pictures, she thinks what he may have said when she would have told him about this or that. She has friends but still deep down she is all alone.. It hurts.. all of it, it hurts her like hell. And her close friends know that she is in pain.. After knowing how can they expect her to be happy? Expect her to mean while laughing... When they know the reason she was happy is not there anymore. Before, She used to laugh like she is the happiest person alive in this planet... and she really used to mean it but now she just laughs so that no one objects her.. Because if they asked "why are you sad?" maybe, she wont have any answer because she herself really don't know why all of it happened suddenly.. .. But trust me She is handling the things very well. She is trying her best.. not to just cry in front of everyone. She hides her tears by washing her face. She loves rain time because that is the time she can cry outside. Everything just bloody hurts now. Those eye contacts used to be special before but now whenever she sees him all of it comes to her and hits her so damn badly that it is hard for her to control he tears.. The world seem to fall apart but she just holds it . Still after suffering, she looks at him because on the other hand it makes her a bit happy.. Even its paining like hell... Yeah, the pain hurts more than the happiness but still she looks at him. In the hallway when sometimes they walk side-by-side and no one talks.. She expect something from him but then her mind says don't expect anymore, u already have a lot to suffer.. While thinking that what really happened all of the sudden.. And then some thoughts come like "maybe I am not that type of girl boys would want" "Maybe he cant tell people that he loves me" "Maybe they will make fun of him".. This thought kills her!!...She is broken.. Her heart is not there anymore..it is shattered into million small pieces.. still she is holding on.. Still She tries to be around him at least once because his voice is some kind of a medicine.. With that voice she imagines him speaking to her. Hurts right?.. So, She just laughs so loudly because she is scared that if she didn't some of her friends will be tensed and she doesn't want to snatch their happiness. She knows at the end of the day no one really thinks about her or give a fuck to her life but still for that specific moment they act like sad which she cant handle.. Seeing him, listening him, thinking about him, everything bloody hurts.. But still she does.. "Is she dumb?" "She is suck a despo !" No, if she is really suffering it maybe she really has some reasons.. Because she is not a dumb person.. She still thinks that he might have had some good concerns that's why he did all this. She imagines thing all the day.. "Maybe he will come and hold my hand and either say I m sorry or will just say I wanna talk" "Maybe he will just come and say anything.. Or maybe he will reply her stories... She some times intentionally try to be noticed.. Because she tried being direct to him. It hurts when he comes online and be there and don't text her.. There's a lot more to it.. She wants things to be the same they were... I hope she gets what she deserves.. And it doesn't matter how much he hurt her when he used to talk to her all of it just goes away.. She deserves him only him.. And He only deserves her.. Hope someday soon they make it to their expectations.. May someday they be forever besties..The moment things will be like this she will post another with the new experiences!!