As Gertrude was making herself an oatmeal sandwich topped with relish she heard an unfamiliar sound come from her smartphone. She dropped the relish spoon on the ground and made her way over to the chair where she kept her smartphone. As she picked it up with her food-covered fingers she saw it was a notification from Tinder, You have matched with Gregory it said. Gertrude was thrilled! Ever since she downloaded Tinder three years ago she had been hoping and praying to find herself a mate. As she opened the Tinder app she saw that Gregory had messaged her as well. The only message she had ever gotten before was from the creator of Tinder telling her to remove all her profile pictures because they were scaring away potential Tinder users. Now that she had received a message from a possible mate she was so excited that she completely forgot about her sandwich. Gregory told her to meet him at the Soggy Napkin, a restaurant that was only twelve minutes away from Gertrude's house. He said that they would meet on Thursday at noon. This was perfect because noon was Gertrude's most hungry time of day, so she would be able to go eat, and not alone for once!
On Thursday at 11:48 Gertrude stepped out of her front door to see rain falling from the sky. She was delighted because the drops of water would make her yellow mascara and red lipstick drip down her face making them even more noticeable and beautiful for Gregory. As Gertrude walked down the street she saw people run past her shielding themselves with bags, shoes, desktops, and their children. Gertrude, unlike most people, enjoyed the rain. She liked feeling her socks squish against her shoes and watching her hair drip brown drips.
At exactly noon she entered the Soggy Napkin to see two of the seven tables were occupied. Gertrude quickly headed towards the counter and proceeded to order thirteen boxes of hams. Assuming that Gregory had not arrived yet, Gertrude ent outside to eat her hams in the rain to make her even more noticeable for Gregory. She spent about five minutes outside shoving soaking wet hams down her throat while watching the doors to make sure Gregory did not sneak away like her ex-husband. Finally, Gertrude saw Gregory approach the doors of the Soggy Napkin. Gertrude could not keep her eyes off him, he was 437 pounds of pure beauty and grace. He slowly made his way over to Gertrude and embraced her in a tight hug. She could smell the mustard stain on his shoulder an that is when she knew she was in love. They walked into the Soggy Napkin together and ordered 17 baked potatoes to go. After they received all the potatoes, Gregory took Gertrude to the stream behind the restaurant to have a picnic in the pouring rain. As Gertrude stuffed baked potatoes into her mouth she did not notice that Gregory had fallen into the stream and was floating away. She was only focused on her baked potatoes.
