Gertrude galavanted to The Soggy Napkin gleefully through the rain. Today is the day that I find myself a lover, she thought as she slipped and fell in a puddle of what looked like half water and half hobo feces. She got up off the group and frolicked into the restaurant. She saw a big handwritten sign on the wall that said Singles Night. Gertrude waddled up to the counter and
grabbed a handful of greasy paper napkins to dry herself off.
"No no stop!" The napkins screeched.
"Joey! Joey where are you!" A napkin named Chris shouted in agony.
Chris heard a muffled voice shouting from above,
"I'm right here, stuck in her triple chin, save yourself!" Joey screamed back as he was submerged in rolls of fat.
Chris could feel himself flying through the air,
"I'll never forget you Joey, you were the only napkin I ever loved!" he cried out as he hit the bottom of the plastic bottle the customers used as a trash pail. That's better all nice and dry, and now I look shiny and fabulous because of these spectacular napkins, Gertrude thought to herself as she plopped herself down in a chair. After devouring twelve hamburgers and seven meatballs Gertrude started to scout out a man. She looked around the room and that's when she saw him, a six foot tall man that looked about 476 pounds and was shoving a baguette into his mouth. He was perfect, Gertrude knew that if she didn't act fast another woman would swoop in and steal him. She shuffled her way over to him and began to introduce herself,
"Hi, I'm Gertrude and I'm in love with you!" She said loudly.
"Well okay Gertrude my name is Buford and I just got divorced with my wife, she hates me because I ate one of our kids." He replied with his mouth full of cheese.
"So you wanna go on a date?" Gertrude asked
"I walked through the rain to get here so I guess you could say I'm the soggy napkin" she said as she grabbed some more napkins and stuffed them into her mouth.
"Steve, no no this can't be happening, nobody ever uses napkins here, we're gross!" Chris shrieked from the trash pail.
"Chris don't worry, I'll be fine, and make sure you propose to Joey!" Steve managed to shout out before he was eaten. Chris felt tears streaming down his face as he looked up at Gertrude and remembered that somewhere in between her rolls of fat was his lover.
"Yea sure I'll go on a date with you what do I have to lose" Buford finally answered back. Gertrude grabbed Buford by the neck and began to drag him out of the door. Chris knew that he could not let them get away. He leaped out of the trash pail and sprinted towards the closing door. He could feel the breeze of the door closing behind him as he leaped into the world outside of the Soggy Napkin. Even though he had made it outside he still had to get to where Gertrude was taking Buford. He noticed that she was aiming for the restaurant across the shopping center, The Slightly Less Soggy Napkin. Chris began to run but was immediately met with an enormous mob of people, and that's when he realized, it was Black Friday. He slid under one man's legs just in time to hit the foot of a large woman who he recognized. She had eaten Thanksgiving dinner at The Soggy Napkin with her family. They had all talked about what they were thankful for, but now she was punching security guards in the face while screaming,
"I love nothing! Give me new things!" Chris jumped off of her foot right as she kicked her husband in the stomach. Launching himself off the fountain he grabbed a hold of Buford's trousers and was flung into The Less Soggy Napkin by Gertrude who had thrown Buford into a chair there. Chris could hear the table and chair screaming and yelling for help but he was only here for Joey.
"Don't you like it here Buford, it's so much cleaner it makes me feel like a queen!" Gertrude bellowed, scaring all the customers away. Buford tried to reply but he was already shoving bread into his mouth. Chris saw the waitress coming over with more food, and she had more napkins as well. As soon as he saw her Chris knew what he had to do. When she placed down the food Chris managed to avoid Buford's sweaty hands reaching for another piece of bread and jump to the soup. Chris filled a spoon with soup and aimed it right for Gertrude's fat sweaty neck. He jumped in the other side just at the right time to pelt her with a glob of soup. He then leaped on top on the pile of napkins, and prepared for what was next. He saw Gertrude reach her stubby fingers towards him, grabbing him and bringing him closer and closer to her rolls of neck fat. He held his breath and reached his hand out to save Joey. He was immediately sucked into the rolls of fat, and he could feel Joey grasping his hand. Joey yanked Chris out of the rolls of the fat in Chris felt himself being able to breathe again, but he was not in the outside world. He opened his eyes and saw Joey standing over him crying.
"Joey! You're alive!" Chris shouted as he realized what was happening.
"Oh Chris I thought you had died, I love you so much!" Joey shouted as he embraced Chris in an enormous hug. After Chris had escaped from Joey he knelt down. Joey knew what was happening and began to cry.
"Joey, when I saw you get eaten by neck fat I realized that our lives may not be that long. I thought you were dead and now that I know you're alive I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Joey, will you marry me?" Chris said softly.
"Oh Chris! Of course I'll marry you" Joey screeched bursting into tears as Chris put the ring on his finger. After an hour of Joey crying Chris finally calmed him down.
"Joey, we have to find a way to get out of here."
"But Chris we have everything we need in here!" Chris looked around and realized that the inside of Gertrude's neck fat was a perfect home. Chris and Joey decided to continue to live in her neck fat and enjoy a happy life together.
