Not the Best Home (Narry)

ten

HARRY'S POV

Niall has my emotions all over the place. I made sure to sanitise the counter as much as I could; even though I don't think anyone is going to get sick.

I have so much compassion for Niall; so many feelings for him. That was my first time doing anything like that; and I loved it so much. How his fingers started a fire in me, I really hope that we will get to do more.

They say that compassion is the closest thing you get to love. But honestly, isn't compassion just as great? Being so broken inside that your own cries get stuck in the back of your throat. Your sorrow brings you so far gone that you can't even shed a tear. Your screams get lost in your head. Is compassion not so much love that your brain could explode just by being around those people you care about most?

I wouldn't know; but what I do know is that Niall, is going to end me and save me at the same time.

My feelings are so neutral most of the time. To feel something different there has to be a positive or negative event. After the joy or sorrow has passed I reset to the middle ground, content, neither high nor low.

I have been given so much hell than I'm not sure if I deserve. I still feel love, joy and happiness so strongly it makes me tingle right down to my bones though.

I've known pain enough to fragment my soul into such tiny pieces it took me years to reassemble my mind. When I come back from these strong emotions to a state of balance, I learn what I can from each emotion, feeling and experience.

I love the way I am; I wish others could be this way too. It isn't boring, it's cozy, and being more neutral allows me time to think, time to stretch my mind.

I've always been envious of Louis though, he's always been so positive and maybe that's because Zayn is by his side? Maybe it's because he has somebody? I can't help but say that I'm starting to feel more positive because of Niall; I think maybe love is the secret to happiness.

Niall is the secret to my happiness.

"Harry!" Someone snapped me out of my thought; I quickly brought my focus to Louis.

"W-W-What?" Oh shit something smelt like it was burning; I turned to the stove and saw that brussel sprouts were charred. "Fuck."