Niall Horan's twin sister

Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Time

Edited

Recap:

We walked through the practice fields and Casey hadn't said a word, neither had I and I was great full. I wasn't ready to talk I needed sleep, time to get myself together, time to stop freaking out.

I just needed time

Sam's pov

Casey had taken me to this old kind of vintage coffee shop that was nearby, I didn't want to go in. I was having doubts again and getting very nervous with the thought of people and having to talk to them.

We walked in and the smell of hot chocolate and warm tea welcomed me and I felt at home.

I think Casey noticed the change in my body language as I was no longer trying to cover my hands with my sweater or looking down at my feet.

I was looking around as I followed Casey towards the back of the coffee shop and I noticed it wasn't that busy yet it wasn't quite, it had just the right amount of customers for my liking.

We sat down near the back next to a window, Casey didn't say anything and neither did I, we sat in silence for awhile until a waiter came and asked us our orders. Casey ordered two teas in take away cups, while I sat looking at the sleeve of my dirty sweater.

The man soon came back with the teas and I mumbled a thank you as Casey paid. I looked at her and just said thanks and I hope she understood what I meant.

Casey's pov

Sam seemed to relax when we entered the coffee shop which I'm glad about because you know it really hurts seeing Sam upset, this is the worst state I've ever seen her in during the 3 years I've known her but there is no way I'm leaving her, she needs to know that I'll be here and that's why I went looking for her.

When Sam said thanks to me I knew she wasn't thanking me for paying but for finding her and bringing her here, that I didn't just let her suffer alone and I hope she knows I care and want to help.

I started the conversation as I know Sam wouldn't as she finds it hard to open up to people at the best of times.

"Okay Sam I know this might be hard for you but please know that you can tell me anything I can even take you back right now if you'd prefer to talk to Niall but I just really want to help you and get you through this rough patch."

Sams pov

And with what Casey said that was all I needed. I let everything come pouring out my mouth, all my built up emotions came out.

"About 2 years ago I lost someone very close to me because of reasons I'd rather not talk about, I got depressed not just the normal I'm really sad and I'd rather not talk about it this was serious I started losing my mind. I would get so caught up in thoughts that I wouldn't know what day it was or sometimes the year, during the time of this I didn't leave the house at all and that led me to the state I am in today. I don't like to say I have anxiety and depression because if I'm honest I feel like that's labelling my problems and I can't do that. People have real problems and mine are in my head."

I paused for awhile, but Casey didn't speak up, either she knew I still had more to say or she didn't know what to say.

"And I'm just so sorry Casey for dragging you into my life, you have to put up with me and my stupid ways. I have more to say but I can't figure out how to word it, just forget it I'd rather not waste more of your time."

I look up then and she's looking at me with sad but understanding eyes.

"No, no Sam don't be sorry and I am in no way 'putting up with you'. What kind of friend would I be if I just let you suffer without trying to help you the slightest bit? A shit one, Sam I don't think you get it that I will always be here for you and never want you to feel like you're a burden to me because honestly you really aren't and I love that you've been able to talk to me today. Please if you can't seem to handle anything that's going on, come talk to me it'll make you feel a little better."

"Thanks" I whispered and looked down at my hands, not wanting to talk anymore. I think Casey got the message and she suggested that we head back to Niall and that's what we did.

We walked out of the small coffee shop and back the way we came, passing that ditch and the rotting leaves that I was in less than 5 hours ago but we kept walking, not saying anything, through the woods and soon practice fields, then up the stairs to our dorm.

I walk in and Niall is sitting on the couch doing something on his phone. I go sit next to him and lean my head on his shoulder.

"Hey Ni" I whisper, "Yes Sam" he replies and I take a breath because if I'm honest I'm scared. What if Ni only came because I messed up and he knows how to help or did he truly care?

"Do you think, I mean could we talk again you know like we used to? It's been a year and I just it's been hard Niall it really has without you, I have Casey and Daisy to talk to but it's not the same. Just please promise me that I'll always be able to talk to you whenever. I don't give a shit if you're with the boys because before you left you said 'family always comes first' I don't care how selfish I sound but I've just really missed my brother and I don't think I could go through another year without the smallest bit of contact even if it was just a text once a month telling me how you are or the other way round I don't care I just can't lose touch with you again."

I say all of this with my last hope that Niall and I are still close, then I just cry for all the times I've needed someone and no one was here. I cry for the bad habits I've picked up along the way.

"Sam, shh it's alright. I know I left you without any contact and I'm so sorry for that, I won't let it happen again. Of course we can talk again, we can talk right now if you want or we can just sit and calm down a bit, okay. I think we should just calm down, yeah and then we'll talk throughout the week. How about you come back home with me and we'll hang out how we used to, okay I just want you to be alright. " Niall said this while pulling me close to him and comforting me, just letting me cry.

I just feel so pathetic at the moment because all I've been doing is crying. I mean I messed up big time causing Niall to rush over here and look at me I'm a mess. I just really hate myself, I can't even deal with my problems in a healthy way.

I'm just hoping that Niall won't give up on me and will help me get out of the state I'm in.