It starts slow
You don't even notice at first
Its just your mind going in over drive
But then you feet tap a little faster
And you notice your hands have been shaking
You can't look at one thing
You start to breathe funny
Now you have to keep moving
Nothings wrong, you tell your self
I'm fine
It'll pass soon
I'm fine
Everything will be fine
I'm fine
What were you even thinking about
Doesn't matter because it was probably important
I think
Is that my breathing or my heart beat going so fast
Oh wait, its both
Chest tightening even more with every increasing breath
Fingers and toes begin to tingle
Wait, now I can't move them
The tingles are moving up your arms and legs
Is this it
Your terrified
Terrified of whatever you were thinking about
Terrified of every little thing
Terrified no one will find you and you'll get worse
Terrified someone will find you and see you this way
None of that matters now because it physically hurts to breathe
But your vision blurred and you can't feel your body
Soon there's finally darkness
But its not over
Oh it's far from over
Your eyes are open and you can see people above you
Your hyperventilating again
Why can I hear my heart beat
People are asking you questions but you cant hear them
Where am I
Is this a hospital or an ambulance
They ask more questions but you can't answer
Hell, you can barely think
Your just in that moment
That one damn moment
That moment of paralysing fear
These people don't understand that
They just want to know your name
They want to know if your allergic
But you want to know where you are
You want to know who these people are
You just want to know why this is happening
You just want to make it stop
All of it
You just want to breathe
It seems like years but there's relief
Finally
You breathing slows down
You can actually think
You can feel your body
And the oxygen mask on your face
And the needle in your arm
And the machine your hooked up to
And that stupid little clip on your finger
But it doesn't matter
Because you can breathe
You can finally breathe
YOU ARE READING
Ive Given Up
PoetryWriting is what keeps me sane and somewhat okay and here's the stuff that's kept me alive
