Here I am, writing my feelings... Sorry if there are errors but, here we go anyway.
I'm in my room laying on my bed. It's pretty empty if you think about it. A red dresser, laundry basket, twin bed with a old people duvet, Bamboo Pillow in a pink pillowcase, stuffed animals scattered on my bed, a seashell wind chime and a closet with board games.
I reach over to my left and pick up one of my books and start to read. I prop my head up on my pillow and stay to stare blankly at the pages.
-In My Mind-
Why don't you just go to sleep? Why don't you go to sleep forever. No one will even know your gone! Remember, life is just a dark room, a maze, and you're doomed to try and find your lost love. The one you care about.
And once you give up, there's a door labeled 'exit' and there's light pooling out of the door and onto the dark, black floor. Your sick of the darkness, so you walk towards it, and walk into the light-
-Me-
My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ding softly beside me. I dismiss it. I close my book and look up at my boring ceiling and put on my headphones. I play my anti-stress music and close my eyes.
-In My Mind-
You know, stop making up your own little realities. It's only strengthening your own anxiety.
Ugh. I guess I know how you feel since I AM you... You feel like no one cares... You feel like your drowning, but not in water... And no one sees you struggling... And, it HURTS. And you hate it... You wanted it to end from the day it begun, you want to die. That one word that makes it seem you have butterflies in your chest. It's called HOPE, that one day, the pain will stop, but not because someone cured you. You cured yourself.
Remember, you were hurt the whole time, but you didn't tell anyone....
-Me-
"STOP!" I scream in my pillow as I beg what I call my 'demons' to shut up. They're the voices in my head, also known as my thoughts. Sometimes, I forget about them but they just remind me. Telling me the horrible truths I know are beautiful lies at the exact same time.
I listen to music when I go to bed. Just to muffle all the horrible voices in my head. I want to sleep forever. I never deserved this. But, maybe I do deserve it... I wish I knew. I wish I could one day fall in love. I wish one day I'll have a husband who loves me and children to call my own. I wish one day I'll be beautiful. I wish one day, I won't be lonely, or sad, or a boring person! I wish... I wish I didn't have to look in a mirror everyday and go on and on about how much I hate myself and my body. I wish things would change.
Change.....
