confessions ➳ got7

2

Jackson awoke to a head of blonde hair in his face and an elbow in his ribs, and looked down at the head resting against his chest. Mark's lips were parted, soft breaths ghosting over Jackson's skin. The duvet was long lost and his feet were cold, but there was sweat between their bodies from where they were plastered together, legs entwined messily. Mark was like a furnace, pale hands hot where they were tucked between their chests, and Jackson smoothed a hand down the older boys back, fingers tracing the notches of his spine.

He thought of how Mark was when they were still trainees, how he'd been stick thin even back then, but his skin was of a rich gold, lip always caught between his teeth as he tried to understand the foreign language being chattered to him. Mark's eyes had lit up when he'd learned Jackson was fluent in English, the two of them sharing jokes nobody else could understand. Jackson had always felt like they were sharing a secret, the two of them, but up until now he'd made the same assumption he'd made with others - that Mark just put up with him because the younger wouldn't leave him alone.

Jackson had a habit of thinking there was a friendship when really all the other person felt was acquaintance. He'd been hurt many times by his openness with people, yet he'd still never learned to reign himself back or put people at a distance. Mark was his opposite, always watching and waiting - it had taken months for the older boy to share in the secrets that Jackson would spill in the darkness of their trainee dorm, and even longer for him to become comfortable with his hugs and outward displays of friendly affection.

It had made him bitter, honestly, when they'd joined with the others to become GOT7, how quickly mark began to accept skinship, how he'd peck Jinyoung's cheek so freely even when the cameras weren't rolling. Jackson had taken a while to realise that he had a crush on the older boy - he always latched onto people, so wrapping himself so tightly around Mark from the start hadn't been too out of the ordinary for him. They both spoke English and were strangers in this place, both struggling with the same problems, both alone. It wasn't unusual that they'd grow close.

He'd noticed marks pretty face from the start, lured in by his owlish eyes and bitten lips, the way the pitch of his laugh rivaled Jackson's own tittering howl, but there were plenty of handsome faces around him, and the only thing that set Mark above them was that he paid attention to Jackson. While Mark's face was pleasant to look at, the gravity of his personality was what made Jackson glance a moment longer. When the older boy looked at you, it was as if a spotlight had turned towards you, like every word you said was being taken into consideration.

For Jackson, it was refreshing. As the younger talked to anyone and everyone so openly, many people would switch off to whatever he was saying and he often found himself hurt when something he'd said in earnest had been completely ignored or forgotten. Mark always listened, even if he didn't have much to say in reply. Jackson found Mark's silence comforting, in a way - when they were alone, he wasn't expected to speak. He could switch off completely without the pressure of living up to his 'vitamin' character. He loved how Mark showed his affection in quiet ways, looking after the members from the shadows. While others would talk over Mark sometimes, Jackson was always drawn in, thirsty for whatever might be leaving those usually silent lips.

It was natural that he'd start to cling to Mark a little, having grown so close to him, but lately the older boy's closeness to Jinyoung had left a twinge in his chest. The fact that Mark sometimes stayed in Jinyoung's room didn't escape Jackson's attention, and he'd lie in bed wondering what they were doing, what they were talking about. He didn't know what madness had fallen over him last night, but for some reason his thoughts had reached their peak, his tongue loose in the calm darkness of their room, and the words had tumbled out. As soon as he'd asked, he'd regretted it, immediately thinking of ways to backpedal. If mark had told him there was something between him and Jinyoung, it would have crushed Jackson. He'd still love Mark as a friend, but things wouldn't be the same in his heart.