destructive // l. hemmings

chapter two

Are you wondering where I am now in all of this? Well, where do you think? Moving on from everything meant laying low; landing me in a shitty run-down apartment on the outskirts of a small town -- the peeling wallpaper, the stench of molding cheese, and for what? to prove to myself that I'm able to move on and make the right choice?

Fuck you and your stupid fucking mind.

In the back of my head, I knew that when I closed my eyes at night, Luke was the only thing I saw -- his eyes peering into my soul as he'd speak the words, "come home," a line that became a constant memory that peered through nearly seconds after he'd arrive in my head.

•••

That shithole remained my residence for merely two years as I cut myself off from everything; renting under a fake name, working my way through dead-end jobs, and faking who I was entirely just to hold onto the idea of normality. I lived my life through this lie just to hide away from the fact that Luke was the only normal thing that could have ever come from my existence.

I found myself fed up with the falsehood -- I knew where my fate lied and it was a matter of time before it would catch up with me. I was not only on the run from everything I once placed all my faith in, but I was running from myself. I had received a call from Lex - a person I never imagined I'd hear from again, but here I was, standing next to my dresser, watching my phone light up with a familiar phone number at the top of the screen. I could feel my heart rip itself out from my chest as I brought the phone to my ear and listened as she spoke the words, "come home," before hanging up.  

It was a line that I had heard numerous times, but something about this time felt comforting. In the back of my mind, I knew that giving into her and going back only meant trouble, but a part of me didn't care.  Like an addict getting their hands on another hit of their desired drug, I packed my bags and booked a flight with all the money I had placed underneath my stench-ridden mattress, taking me back to where it all started.

•••

I had boarded a plane later that night; the duration being spent canceling out the noise that came from the screaming child behind me. I had fought off the urge to cuss his mother out for allowing him to whine like he was but chose to keep my mouth shut. There was something behind that decision that made me feel mature, a behavior I had wondered was being used by him as well. I found myself dozing off rather quickly as I found it difficult to resist the urges I felt to smoke. As if only a second had passed from when I closed my eyes, I woke up, seeing that the plane was already in the process of descending.

I stood on the curb on the sidewalk with a cigarette between my fingers. I knew that as I stepped into the first cab I saw, I wouldn't be able to pay the driver. Strike one on your chance at normality. I gave the driver directions and sat back into the seat, listening as the older gentleman talked about his younger days.  It had got me thinking about Luke, and what it was like for me to be young.  It was a memory I didn't want to remember, but it seemed to constantly run through my mind as the man continued to talk.

"He probably won't even around; this time is different." My inner thoughts had continued to say as I looked out the window, drowning out the words with the little bit of sanity I had left.

•••

I arrived at Lex's apartment building around noon; it was a different one from before. I stepped out of the taxi, looking up at the magnificent architecture before me, and proceeded to walk forward, drowning out the man's request for my fare as he then drove off.

I had noticed almost immediately that even the lobby was mesmerizing; a silver fountain lied in the middle lined with silk furniture; It was such a luxurious place that it didn't look like anyone normal could afford it and it had me thinking how Lex was even able to.  I walked farther down the hall, seeing the pool; it had a huge waterfall coming down from the center of it and the walls were sculpted like marble.