Everything I Haven't Said To You

the letter

I was never very good in words. I've never been good at expressing myself when I was around you. Still I never needed words to tell you how much I loved you.
You always told me you'd be here by my side ... you'd be ready to catch me when I fall. You lied ... Still loved you. I loved you with all the strength that my body and my soul contained. I supported you at your worst and best.
And you? You've lived your life like I wasn't part of it. And I know but the love I felt for you spoke louder. The love I felt for you was screaming inside me. you knew that inside of me there was a storm of insisted on not wanting to pass. You were helping me as you could.
But it was not enough. Despite the love I felt for you being a more transcendent than the feeling of pain I always felt, the confusion that resided in my head won.
You must think why I tell you this now ... now that nothing matters ... Well maybe because I want to disappear from your life without regret.
Although I am a mixture of thoughts that I was, knew you needed me....I fought to prevent this mess to stop me.
I'm starting to feel the heavy eyes and my hand and forces betrays me.. So I will speak with clarity that I was feature in times of quiet and calm.
You were the best and worst of me. You were my shelter and my shipwreck.
You were the one I most loved and most hated.
Today I know that you're happy with another person. I know you don't think about me and I know you have forgotten me. But I don't. I never stopped to revive our time together.  I never stopped to remember your smile, your gestures and your voice ... oh your voice my own worst enemy and yet my peace.
With your voice you saved me from myself. And you were able to destroy me. Was your voice that was stored in my head.
Stupid isn't it?
But it was your voice I heard the most sincere words I remember. Even though it was an illusion , I was happy at your side.
I knew what it was to smile and believe that happiness.
But now ... now all I see is black around me, without a trace of light that I can follow.
These thoughts will kill me slowly, are those who will free me. 
One day I said it that I love till the last drop of blood in my body.
Today I see red water on my body. It's all in silence .... you're not here. This four walls will be witnesses of my release.
Today I tell you and I write: I'm yours till the last drop of blood out of my body. I will love you until the end of me.
I hope when you find this letter  you don't feel guilty, because you always told me: "maybe life is not for everyone". You were right ... it's not for everyone. It's not for me.
Maybe one day our souls find each other... Until then, I'm letting the drops of blood fall in the water that covers me. See drain the blood that you corrupted ... And smiled. I smiled while tears fall down my face mingling with water with a bright red.
I don't have much time ... I feel. So I say: I know you won't cry for my absence because you have forgotten me a long ago ... But maybe one day look at the empty and unconsciously think for you "it's not someone missing?".
Until then live your life. Enjoy every moment because mine start just now. Thank you My black Angel....