Father Josh

Letting Go

"He's so happy. He can't stop talking about his teacher and all that he got to do. Totally opposite from this morning."

"Why do you sound so upset about that? He's doing great."

"It's just... I don't know..."

Josh shifts so I'm leaning more on his chest. His fingers card through my hair and I feel my muscles relax.

"You feel like he would need you more? That you'd get there and he'd be just slightly miserable so you could scoop him up and coddle him?"

I look up at Josh and he's looking down at me, the corner of his mouth ticked up in a shallow smile.

"How?"

"I did the same thing when I dropped him off at day care. When I came back, and he was sleeping peacefully in your arms. I felt so much jealousy. It's kinda messed up, but I'd been hoping he'd be crying so I could comfort him."

His hand is now moving up and down my back in a soothing gesture. I turn myself so I'm laying in my stomach on top of him. I then rest my chin in his chest.

"You've had him at daycare for over three years, and now he's going somewhere else. You've never had to leave him for long that whole time. You're learning how to let him go Si."

"I don't like it."

"Most parents don't, but we'll get through it. Now, I believe we have other matters to attend to."

"I believe you're right."

I begin pushing myself down his torso, but I'm interrupted by our door slamming open. Josh throws the blanket over me and my vision is blocked.

"Daddy? Papa? I sleep with you? The dreams are being naughty."