Stockholm Syndrome

twenty

- Louis -

After my little chat with Harry about what Andrea's been hiding from me, I couldn't handle all the thoughts and emotions running through my head. I had to get away, I had to leave for a bit. I know that's probably not a good idea considering Andrea's about 70% dead, 30% alive. I know it probably looks selfish on my part to just up and walk away right now, but I needed to. It wasn't doing me any good sitting there in that waiting room.

Something came over my body that just completely possessed it. I don't even remember walking out the hospital doors. I don't remember climbing into my car. I don't even remember what time it was. All I do remember was that it was early morning, the sun was just rising over top of the horizon line in the East. I also remember driving. Just having my foot gently on the gas pedal, my hands gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles had turned white, and the sound of the wind just breezing in through my window.

The streets were close to empty, but it won't be long until it fills up with all the early morning risers who have to tend to their duties at work. I had no idea of where I was going or what I was doing. All I knew was that I had to space myself as far away as possible from that hospital.

My life has never been so complicated before. All this loss, all this heartache, all this recovering, it was starting to become too much. I know that sounds awful to say, but it's how I'm feeling. I wish I could just escape it all, but I can't.

I was angry with myself for just leaving like that, without telling anyone, but I had too. This isn't for anyone else but myself. Sometimes in life, we all need to be a little selfish in order to take care of ourselves so then we will be able to take care of others.

My phone kept buzzing. I didn't pay any attention to it. I knew it was probably Niall or Liam trying to look for me. But I'm not going back. Not yet.

I needed someone. I needed to talk to the one person who has always been there for me. I needed the advice from the one person who's always understood; who's always been supportive of me and has talked me through the hard times. She's always been blunt, honest, and I can trust her with anything and everything.

I needed to talk to my sister.

Hesitantly, I reached down for my phone. I was scared to look at the screen and see the countless messages and missed calls from the lads. I turned on my phone, ignored the messages, and dialed my sister's number. I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It was currently 5:45AM. She's most likely not going to be awake, but I'm crossing my fingers she'll pick up.

After a couple rings, she answered groggily. "Louis? Do you have any idea of what time it is?"

"Lottie," I said, my heart quickening up the pace. "I need to talk to you. It's important. Are you at home?"

"Yeah, I am." She paused and I listened as she rustled around in the background, probably to sit up. "What's up? Is everything okay?"

The boys and I have been so lowkey about this whole Andrea incident, the press doesn't know anything. At least not yet. Therefore, our families don't know anything. As much as I trust Lottie with my life, I'm nervous to tell her. If anyone finds out before we say anything, this could all blow up in our faces.

"No, Lottie." I held back the tears, biting my lower lip. My stomach twisted around and ended up in a knot. "I'll be there in a few." I hung up the phone.

As I turned my car back around to head West across Doncaster, I couldn't find the right words to say when I face Lottie. What do I say first? Andrea's on her deathbed? Niall kissed my girlfriend? Harry telling me about Andrea's double life? Do I even say anything to Lottie about that? I know Andrea wanted to keep it a secret.