Stockholm Syndrome

twenty three

- Louis -

It's been 26 hours now since we heard the news of Andrea being alive. It's been 26 hours of no sleep, no eating, overthinking thoughts, and continuous pacing back and forth across the empty hospital waiting room. It's been 26 hours of repetitive memories with my beautiful girlfriend. It's been 26 hours of torture. It's now been 26 hours and 1 minute.

As much as I wanted to be angry with Andrea for lying to me and for keeping these secrets, I couldn't. Right now, I wanted for her to be in my arms. I wanted her smell, I wanted her body, I wanted her heartbeat. I wanted her arms wrapped around me. I wanted her voice reminding me that everything is going to be okay. I wanted her to look me in the eye and to tell me how much she still loves me.

I haven't cried in 8 hours now. I think I've officially run out of tears. My heart should feel better about knowing she's alive, but it still remains broken. I think it's going to be broken until I can see her.

The boys have all stayed with me. They wouldn't leave me, even after I told them I'd be okay to be by myself if they wanted to go sleep out in the bus rather than these uncomfortable hospital chairs. They released Harry from his hospital visit. Even the nurses encouraged Harry to go rest out in the bus for a couple hours but he refused. They all did. No one was leaving this room until we heard more news from the doctors. I appreciate the company. They would converse with each other, but I haven't said more than three words to them.

I was desperate at this point. All I wanted to do was see her. I craved her. I needed her. I miss her.

I was now beginning my thirtieth pace back and forth, when a the doctor approached us. We all immediately directed our attention to him. We all looked at him like lost puppies. We needed some good news. I needed some good news.

He walked forward, holding his clipboard. Stopping in the midst of all of us, he breathed a deep and heavy sigh. My heart began to race. Was this good news? Was this bad news? Why isn't he saying anything?

"Who's first?" He finally blurted out, leaving the tension thick in the air. We all looked at each other. I didn't know who should go first.

"Is she awake?" Niall croaked up first before anyone could jump to their feet.

The doctor shook his head. "No, she's still in the coma. We've seen some improvement, but not much. We're now hoping that if we let you guys in for a chance to talk to her, a miracle will happen. We can't let you all in at once. Only one of you can go at a time."

"Talk to her?" Niall looked confused as he scrunched his face together. "But you just said she's not awake."

"Coma patients can hear you and feel you," Liam stated, "however, they can't answer you."

"I'll go." I spoke up. All eyes turned to me as if it was the strangest thing on the planet to hear my voice. "I need to see her."

"Are you sure you're ready, Lou?" Harry asked concerned. He had tired eyes which came with a bunch of baggage, and I'm not talking about suitcases and backpacks. His hair was a mess, his throat was croaking from all the crying he's been doing. Harry feels the guiltiest out of all of us.

I swallowed against a growing lump in the back of my throat. I nodded.

The doctor stepped aside, gesturing for me to join him. "Alright then, let's go."

I clenched my jaw together, blinked a couple of times bringing myself to reality, and started walking towards the doctor. As he led me down the hall, towards the ICU, I felt a twisted knot form in my stomach, along with a trail of goosebumps running up and down my arms. Was I really ready for this? I'm about to see my half-dead girlfriend. My head suddenly started spinning and I thought I was going to faint.