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by noonetotrust

by noonetotrust

21.7.17

Months ago, a guy said this to me,
"I will try my best to make you change your mind and feelings. I am scared to picture how my life would be if you were not in it. I will wait for the day we have mutual feelings. And if that day comes and you still do not develop any feelings for me, that's when i will give up on you."

I replied,
"This is not going to be easy. I need thousands of years to be in love with someone. I do not want you to waste your time and energy for me. I do not want you to get hurt if at the end, I still do not have any feelings for you. Just look for other girl."

But then, he convinced me to give him another chance after he said that I am the one whom he needed. After he said that I am the best that ever happened in his life.

And my stupid self fell for that.

He left me. Just like every other guys from my past.

I thought he was different.

______________________________________

As you're gone, I do not even know how you really felt about me.

"Do you really mean the words you said at the beginning? Or you grew tired of me halfway and realised that i am not worthy enough to be loved?"

This questions keep lingering in my mind from the day you left.

You said you know that it is not an easy task to make me love you.
But then, when things got a little harder, you gave up.

You gave up on me who said she was willing to tried to love you. The thing she never said to anyone in the past.

You gave up on me who tried to change her pessimistic mind about love.

You left leaving me questioning all the sweet words you said.

Were it all lies?
Call me stupid but i really want to believe that it was not.

You are gone leaving me feeling stupid for trusting people. Again.

You left leaving the puzzle unsolved.
You left without waiting for "the day". Without asking how i feel.

Or is it not important to you for this time along?

Nope, I don't write this to blame you.

It's me to blame for falling into the same trap again and again.
I thought I can try to believe you as someone said this to me,
"Not every guy is the same."
But then this person lied too.

And I was too stupid to fall for your sweet words.

Nope, I'm not gonna cry anymore.
I'm done shedding tears for you guys.

And for you J, I know I am very hard to love. I know. But that's just how I am. I don't show affection like normal girls. I act harsh, rude, conceited, you name it. But i can swear to God that i never ever played with your feelings when I said I was gonna try to love you.
I really mean it, but now I regret it.

I am sorry if I didn't show it enough for you to notice my feelings, which is mutua..ah wait, I don't think mutual is the right word here. Because you didn't and never truly had feelings for me.