Riding It Out

Four

It wasnt easy to go around pretending Trace and I didnt happen. I had gone back to my own room that night and when we woke, we acted like it didnt happen but I noticed the way Trace had been looking at me now. It was different, like he knew my darkest secrets.
As i made our coffee, the way he watched me, i knew he was thinking about it. When i drank my coffee, reading through the paper, i knew he was replying it and if im honest, i couldnt stop replaying it in my head either.
Rory and Jacob had stopped by when they returned. I had been making lunch and Trace was playing Crash Bandicoot.
Neither of us mentioned what happened and we never let on about it. Trace left with Rory and that was three days ago.
Every waking hour i was replaying it, over and over.
'Are you ok?' I blink and look at Aneika. She looked amused. We were shopping, currently sitting in the food court.
'Im fine' i tell her.
'Liar' she scoffs 'I see those cogs turning, whats up?'
I watch her, debating on if to tell her the truth or keep it to myself.
I knew i can trust Aneika and i also knew she could probably give advice.
'Trace' i sigh 'When the guys went away, i was on baby sitting duties, there was a moment of weakness and we slept together...' I let her take in the information.
'Right and now you cant stop thinking about it?'
I nod 'It just keeps playing in my head but i know how dangerous it can be to get too close, I dont want to be hurt again, not to mention hes an addict and still detoxing'
I was also an addict but i had been clean for three years.
'Well, i am probably the worst person to ask about advice' she laughs 'Tyler and i fell in love while he had intentions of killing my father, we got hitched on a drunken night in vegas and we werent even together officially until after i found out i was pregnant with the twins but i do know that loving a biker is easy to do but its also hard work, its dangerous and scary and frustrating but you just gotta ask youself if its worth it' Twins? Maybe that was the accident, maybe one of them was in an accident.
'I just got here, im not looking for a reltionship but i know that sleeping with him was the worst thing i could have done' i didnt pry on the twin thing.
'Why?' she frowns.
'Because it was so good, i dont think i could stop myself from doing it again if the chance came up, i dont trust him'
'Because you're scared he will relapse?'
I nod 'And because he is a powerful man, they all are and I dont think i can handle any more torment'
'One thing i know for sure about these men is that when they love, they love hard, they will do anything for this family but i also know they're selfish, they tend to act before they think about the consequenses' she sighs and i see her battling with herself 'I was in love with Tyler before he loved me and i told him, he knew and three times, we had sex while he knew i loved him and he didnt love me, i mean, i only remember one of those times but not the point, it was selfish of him to do that no matter how much i begged for it'
I nod my head. 'But you figured it out' i tell her 'I have gone the last six years of having sex with no feelings, no strings attached so i dont know how to deal with this right now'
'Running does you no good' she tells me 'I left, i went to college to get away from this life and then i found out i was pregnant'
'I wont be pregnant' i tell her. I loved kids sure but the thought of me having my own scared the shit out of me. 'I've been on the injection for almost two years, havent had a prriod for over a year and a half'
'Good, the last thing we need is more babies right now' she laughs and her phone starts ringing. 'Speaking of babies'
She answers the phone 'Hey Claudia' she smiles but after a moment, she freezes, the smile gone 'What? Are you sure?' she starts to stand so i do aswell 'I will be right there'
'Everything ok?' i ask when she hangs up.
'Claudias having her baby, shes already eight centermetres'
I had no idea what that meant. 'She cant get hold of Brodi'
'Ill try Trace' i say.
I start calling him and after a bit he answers it with a snap 'What?'
'Where is Brodi?' i ask in a panic.
'Here, why? Is everything ok?' he was calmer now, concerned.
'Tell him to get the fucking hospital, hes having a baby' and i hang up.
Aneika speeds to the hospital and we still make it before Brodi. We were the only ones here so far.
'Where is everyone?' i ask.
'No one answered' Claudia groans clutching the bed sheets.
'They're coming' I tell her. 'I called Trace, he was with them' she nods and does some breathing exercises.
'Im here' Brodi rushes in huffing and puffing 'Im sorry baby'
Claudia glares at her husband but says nothing. 'Im going to head out here' i say pointing to the door.
Aneika nods and i leave the room. I was not prepared to watch any of this.
Cale, Rory and Trace were out here waiting. 'How is she?' Rory asks.
'Scared' i tell him 'But i think she will be fine now Brodi is here'
'You want a coffee?' Cale asks.
'Sure' I nod and go take a seat.
'Ill come with' Rory says going with his brother, leaving Trace and I alone in an awkward silence.
He comes and takes a seat beside me 'How are you?' he asks.
'Alright, you?' i ask.
'Just been thinking' he says casually. I knew what he was thinking about it so i decided to just nod and say nothing. 'You know that night changed everything right?'
'Nope' i was in denial now that he also thought about it.
'You and i both know it will happen again' he says confidently.
'What makes you think that?' i scoff, playing it cool.
'Because you enjoyed it just as much as i did  and I also know youd be craving it again,thinking about every second of that night since you walked into that room' his voice was quieter now. The image of his pleasuring himself shot in my head and i fell my legs cross.
Trace chuckles and i feel his lips on my ear softly 'You loved watching me beat my cock' he whispers. I pull my lips into my mouth to stop any noise coming out but my breathing grew harder and he knew it. He knew he was winning and he knew he could do this to me. 'You loved the anticipation of my hand on your throat, the idea that i could have hurt you turned you on more'
He was an asshole.
But he was right.
I turn my head to the side to look at him and i see his hard on.
'And it turns you on just thinking about it' i whisper back 'And i bet you think about that head job too, the way i took you all in my throat' i watch him squirm in his seat.
'You're just begging for it now' he smirks with uncomfortable amusement.
'Oh i wont be the one begging' And then i hear Cale and Rory coming.
'Thank you' i smile and take the coffee from Rory.
I sip and then freeze when i hear Claudia scream. Oh shit.
I think sex may be off the table forever. I dont want that. Sure, babies are cute and all but fuck that shit, i dont want to be ruined down there.
'Skylars first time in a labour ward?' Rory chuckles. 'That means the babys head is coming out'
'Fuck that shit, im sewing myself up' I tell them all.
'You know Aneika delivered me?' Rory asks 'Mom refused to go to the hospital until it was too late, ambulance came just before Robyn decided to come'
'Wow' i breathe. She had guts.
'Deacans mother was in labour for thirty hours with him and he only weighed six pound' Cale says.
'What happened to her?' i ask 'If you dont mind me asking'
'She died' he tells me 'The hospital gave her blood poisoning, she ended up with meningitis and died three days after he was born'
'Shit, i am so sorry' i tell him. I had no idea. I had met Deacon the other night, he was eight but no one mentioned his mother.
'Its ok' he nods with a small smile 'I still miss her and grieve her but ive accepted her death and im moving on'
'Thats just horrible' i say 'Losing the love of you life and having to care for a new born at the same time'
'I had help from every one and he stays with her parents every weekend, since he was six months old'
I nod not knowing what else to say and then Aneika runs out, tears in her eyes 'Its a boy' she smiles and runs back into the room.
'Congrats boys, brand new Uncles' I smile. Everyone decides to turn up now. Robyn and Daisy come together with Indi and Jacob while Tyler brings Neikyler.
It was definitely getting too crowded for me and Rory noticed.
'Go home if you want, ill call with the update' he hands his keys out to me.
'Im fine' i lie. I wanted to run but I didnt want to leave at the same time.
'Sky, its ok, Claudia and Brodi will understand and you can come back later for cuddles' it was Cale who spoke now.
I nod and take the keys from Rory.
'I can come get you later' I tell him.
'Ill get a ride with Cale' he replies.
I nod and the brothers kiss my head before i glance at Trace who was sitting there, watching me before i leave.
I knew i had dug myself a hole with Trace and I wasnt sure id be able to get myself out of it. I also wasnt sure i wanted to.
He was attractive, he was fucking amazing in the bedroom but I couldnt get involved. I wasnt sure i was over the guy who was sitting in a cell because of me. The guy who got me clean and went through hell with me to do it.