do you know how it feels???? when you find a place inside theirs joy, the joy burns out all of the pain.when the nights are long. when days are the same. how do i fix this. its just not the same. all she does is cry anymore. she is so unhappy. i tried to make all her pain go away. now what to do i didn't know what to say i watched her slice her wrists and throw her life and there's nothing that would have ever scarred me like what i was about to see later that night. i just got back from the motel were we stayed when we went. I've never really got the chance to go everywhere or do everything but when i'm with her its like i'm free nothing could stop me from having the life we wanted. oh but i took it way to far. i was one of those "fly to Paris and fall in love type. but you know things aren't always how you plan them. she said shed love me until the day she died but i didn't know it'd be so soon. you said you'd give me everything. so why'd you go and take my everything . your all i want your all i needed but you took that from me because you didn't know how important you was to me.. i love you. or at-least loved you. i just got back in town i went to one of those restaurants to order me and my girl a couple burgers and then i had to stop and go get groceries for the new house. well i called her up, but there was no answer it went straight to voice mail. and then i called again and there was no answer. i rushed to the house incase anything was going on and then i seen. i pulled up in the parking lot across the street from our house but there were no lights on and everything looked dead like there was no one in sight. but i liked it that way. it was quiet. but now its too quiet. you know shes gone now. it wont ever be the same without her. she was the love of my life. she was the olny person i could ever turn to i fell inlove with her the moment i saw her. do you believe in love at first sight.? well it was one of those thing. i was gonna pop the question but she killed herself before i even had the chance. i didnt know what to do i had everything for us but when i got there all the lights were off in the house. i heard something in the bathroom when i went in there she was just hanging there. like nothing. like it didnt even matter to her who it would hurt. i dont know how to handle it. do i give up like she did or do i keep going and stay strong for the both of us but everything i had is now gone she was literally my everything huh my little brother keeps trying to get me to move on but im just not ready yet i never expected this to happen i didnt plan for this, i dont know how to cope.i just thought shes at peice now. but i need help. i dont know how to run anymore everything ive ever had to face i faced with her and now im doing this by myself i dont know how to move on let alone how to run anymore. well this time i done running im doing what i have to do to make it better. booze and shit is working so far. wow i just cant believe shes gone like it all happened to fast before i could grab it. i fell under the chart for a minute incognito i was under the radar no one knew where i was if i was ok or not but it didnt stop me i needed help proffesional help and i knew exactly who to go to to get it. .......to be continued......
