Before edited---
okay get ready i told u this was gonna be cringey and headass and all that and u bet ur fuckin ass it will be. idk cause at the same time im like 100% trash at talking about my feelings but oh well. boy o boy im v glad you randomly, completely out of the blue, popped back into my life almost 4 months ago. in all honesty i never expected you to reappear but im really really happy that you did.
i know im a pain in the ass and i know im bitchy and bratty sometimes and i get mad sorta easily, but you havent left me and im really so glad you didnt. ive delt with a lot of super shitty guys in my life, which you know. but youre not like anyone else. you may not think so but youre different. special. and shits almost never went right for me but so far, you have. and idk i dont wanna let u go. ur stuck with me either way tho. but really even tho we argue sometimes (actually its just me now that i think of it :) ) and we dont always see eye to eye on things you dont just give up. we always fix things and solve our problems. id rather argue with u than anyone else if that makes sense.
idk im not good at doing shit like this cause i always find myself saying too much or not enough or just the wrong things. i suck at emotions and whatnot. im not good with relationships. in fact im pretty shitty at them. figuring out my feelings for you has been somewhat complicated but so far ive realized something
. i dont want to lose you. you really do make me happy. unlike anyone else and like i said before i never expected you to reappear in my life but im extremely glad you did. now for what we were talking about the other day. what i wanted to tell you but couldnt say. im not easy to say this. in fact i feel physically sick just typing it because im scared of your reaction. its not something i throw around at all. and you have no obligation to say it back at all. theres no pressure or anything like that. i promise. but i think i might love you noah michael gress.
and it scares the fucking shut out of me because i havent said that to anybody in about two years and the last time i did it seemed to come around and stab me in the back. so with that being said, im trusting you to not come reopen that wound. im not saying you have to feel the same yet. thats up to you and how you feel and whatnot. jesus i feel like actually throwing up right now. but i feel like on that note i should wrap this up. happy 19th birthday babe. i really hope you have a great day.
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After I edited---
It has been about four months since you walked into my life. Since then, you have changed me for the better in so many ways. I wouldn't trade that for anything. In all honestly, I never expected for you to have such a impact on me and my life.
I know that I can be a little bit of a pain in the ass sometimes, and maybe bitchy and bratty at others. I may also get a mad easily and drive you crazy so I need to give you props for putting up with and not leaving me. As you know, I've been through a lot with guys in the past, so my expectations weren't very high. You blew me away though. Your kindness and compassion has made me realize that you aren't like anyone. You are so much more than I deserve and I don't know how to express this in any other way. I'm not sure how much has gone right in my life, but I know for damn sure that you are one of those things. And as long as you want me to stay, I'll be here. We may argue and not see eye to eye on everything but we never give up. We fix our problems and become stronger because of it. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I would rather argue with you than with someone else.
I had a hard time finding the words to use in this, I'm really not good at writing emotional stuff and talking about my feelings and shit. It's all stupid. I always say too much or not enough or just the wrong thing. I'm not good with relationships, I'm actually kind of shit with them. Figuring out my feelings for you has been complicated, annoying and exhausting. I've realized that I would do it all again if it meant I didn't lose you. You are important to me. You are what makes me happy. I open my phone in the morning to see if I have any messages from you. Even though I usually don't because you are always asleep.
I am going to say something. And before I do, I want you to know that it's not something I throw around lightly. You have no obligation to say it back and I want you to know that. There is no pressure at all or anything like that. Jesus fucking lord I feel physically sick writing this but I'm gonna go through with it anyways. Here it goes. I think that I may be in love with you, Noah Michael Gress.
And it scares the fucking shit out of me because I haven't said that to anybody in two years. The last time I did, it seemed to turn around and stab me in the back. Saying this makes me vulnerable, and I hate feeling like this. I handed you a weapon, and I am trusting you not to reopen this wound. I'm not saying you need to feel the same yet. That's up to you and I just could not keep this bottled up any longer. I think I may actually vomit right now. On that note, I think I should wrap this up. Happy 19th birthday babe. I really hope you have a great day and I didn't scare you off with my impulsivity
