20: Play Pretend
Connor Rogers
Life was full of chases. Mine happened to coincide with Erik's. We were both chasing after the same girl, who always escaped from the cracks of our fingers whenever we were closing in on her.
It was the day of Eleanor's funeral, and I was one of the people to make the speech.
But I didn't attend it. Instead, I stayed at home, staring blankly up at the ceiling.
Carrie came up to my room, home from the funeral. She had offered to deliver my speech on behalf.
She knocked lightly. "Connor?" She sounded as if she had been sobbing.
"Hm."
"You know, you should've gone. Mrs Kings was expecting you."
"I don't want to."
"You let her down."
The four words sparked the anger within me and I sprang up. "I KNOW I LET HER DOWN, GOD DAMNIT!" I bellowed at her, but Carrie didn't even flinch. She let me continue.
"I know I let her down! I should've taken the bullet myself, I should've told her everything earlier, I should've–”
And there were the tears again. I hated myself for being so weak, but I couldn’t help it.
“Connor,” Carrie cooed softly, sitting down next to me. It pained me even more when she spoke like that – she sounded surprisingly like Eleanor.
“The thing is,” I gasped, my head in my arms, “I can’t even say she’s in a better place. I mean, she’s a healthy person; she’s got a bright future and everything. But she just died, just like that.”
“Life’s unfair,” my sister whispered. I knew. I understood. I agreed. Life is unfair.
“I think you should check your phone, Connor,” Carrie suddenly said, “it’s buzzing like mad.”
“No.” How can I care about such trivial things now?
“No, I mean it, Connor,” Carrie said, her tone serious, “you’ll find some answers if you do.”
That made me confused. Carrie left the room, with me staring at her retreating back. It took a while for me to register what she meant.
I fumbled for my phone on the nightstand.
A pang went through my heart when I saw the latest message.
YOUR ELEANOR XX.
DEAR CONNOR,
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO LATE IN TELLING ME THIS?
Honestly, I didn’t know.
I ALSO WISH I COULD’VE KNOWN YOU BETTER. TO BE HONEST, I’VE GOTTEN A GIST THAT YOU WEREN’T A NORMAL COLLEGE STUDENT BEFORE.
LIFE’S UNFAIR ISN’T IT? THERE’S ALWAYS UPS AND THEN THE DOWNS WOULD JUST COME AND POOP THE PARTY. IT’S FRUSTRATING, REALLY.
I ALSO WISH FOR THAT PARALLEL UNIVERSE. IF ONLY THOSE ARE REAL. BUT I GUESS WE CAN ALL DREAM.
NEEDLESS TO SAY THIS, ‘CAUSE I THINK YOU ALREADY KNEW.
I LOVE YOU TOO, CONNOR ROGERS. TOO MUCH FOR A LITTLE TEXT TO HANDLE. I WISH WE COULD’VE HAD LONGER.
YOURS FOREVER,
ELEANOR K.
Life was full of chases. An FBI agent like me would know perfectly well.
Eleanor Kings was one in a million. She was everything I wish I had, everything I wish I had gotten to know.
But if my little drama to get into the FBI had gotten me to her, I was glad I went through all that trouble. I was glad I had this adventure.
I was glad I played pretend.
FIN.
YOU ARE READING
Play Pretend
RomanceA fire doesn't spark that easily. It takes a lot of oxygen and fuel to start a flame, and even more to keep it going. A fire is love. Oxygen is time. Fuel is understanding. But that theory doesn't apply to me at all. Last May, I became an FBI agent...
