Pleading With The Sky

Prologue

People call me a lot of different names. No matter what it those names are, they all come down to one thing. They are calling me strange. They are calling me different. And I'm still not quite sure how I feel about that. Let me explain.

I have never been 'popular' in school. I had a variety of friends and a variety of people who used me for good grades or to get a boy who happened to be one of my friends. I have a small selection of close friends who have been there my whole life. They know my story inside and out.

You see, I grew up in a family where we didn't have a father. Well, not too often anyways. Dad remarried to a nice woman after his and mom's divorce. But she had two kids of her own and really, he became more of their dad than ours. Sure, there were times when I wished that my dad would pay attention to me. But at the same time, I never suffered as much as my brother.

Liam and I grew up in church. Our momma had us go every Sunday and Wednesday. I have always understood the concept of God and creation. It becomes hard for me to believe that other people don't believe. For Liam, I think he wants so badly to fit in that he sometimes forgets the boundaries and that line of right and wrong. For me the concept of God isn't an abstract thing. It's there. It's real.

That doesn't mean obtaining this relationship and it's standards are easy. It just means that I didn't really doubt His existence. I know He's there. But this is where my problem comes in. I struggle with other things. Things such as following all God's rules and finding that balance between right and wrong.

However, of all things I struggle with, I struggle with prayer for most. I feel as though I can't express my emotions without being in the wrong. I feel as if the prayers I want answered most are never the ones that I get. I feel as if I am simply just pleading with the sky.