Just Some Pathetic Thoughts

July 21st 2017

How am I expected to live this way?
How can I possibly be expected to pretend like it never happened?
Because guess what? It did.
It happened and it turned my life around.
For once I feel beautiful in my own skin.
Happiness radiates out of me like energy radiates from the Sun.
I am confident, and fearless. I can do anything.

And now I'm just expected to throw it all away?
And for what?
A lifetime of loneliness and regret.
A lifetime of never-ending wonders of "what might have been?"

The pain is excruciating.
The pain of thinking about never being able to hold him close to me ever again.
It doubles me over like a knife had been stabbed through my abdomen.
It makes me loose my breath and I feel like I'm suffocating.
I'm suffocating in a world where
he's there, and I'm here.
Yet I'm there, and he's here.

But despite all that;
He can't be mine.
And I can't be his.

And two people who love each other with such intense passion will never be together.

And that's why I'm drowning.

The words in my heart say
"This is meant to be,"
while the words from everyone surrounding me say
"Never, not even in your dreams."

And how am I supposed to live like that??

When my heart wants someone who wants me too and we can't do anything about it?

How could anyone make anyone live with that kind of pain?