Loving him

The First

   I let my energy body fall between the cold sheets, next to my new girlfriend. Sheryl turned his face to mine, and I both gave in a laugh of laughter about the inhaled substance. My cheeks ached, and I could hardly stop the fury of my body. I inspired deeply, letting my eyelids fall over my red and swollen eyes. Lights of different colors played in unbridled darkness, and I drew my lips in a straight line to suppress my chuckle.

I imagined my father's face at Sheryle's sight again and again. The obvious shock she had experienced in view of his brief clothing and the way he looked at me had brought me a sense of triumph inside. I felt we had won the battle, but not the war. I felt strong and at the same time, I was aware that from strength to weakness, you only need to take a step. A little of everything.

I knew my father so much that I knew he would not give up trying to bring me along the right path. Not knowing my way is bifurcated, and I will always choose to go through the mud. My stubbornness was so strong that I could not fight her. I wanted to prove to my father that taking me from my old friends does not mean that you become holy overnight. But I will find others, just as bad, with the same habits. Some to help me get out when he pulls my feet on the bottom.

It was like hearing them and hearing the voices of the new neighbors beckoning behind me. I could hear them calling myself the same way, and for the first time, this satisfied me more than it was possible. I wanted to hear my name ringing loud and clear on their envious lips. Since only in this way the person who adopted me will realize that a new city does not necessarily mean a new life. A change can not relieve your soul, no matter how much you try.

Perhaps, in my heart, we hope the Spokane city, will give you a sense of my life. But what could that be? I was still a child abandoned by parents in a shelter, and then loved by interest. I did not want to catalog my parents. But I was quite conscious of the situation I was in. If the mother could have her own children, I would not have been here. I would have probably fallen asleep under a bridge covered with cardboard boxes, fresh out of that orphanage. I would have been forced to take my life in my own hands and handle myself. No income, no friend. Just me and me.

Or maybe ... Just me and Hades.

I stood up in the seat on the remnants of the white dust, and I rolled it over my palm, clutching one of my nostrils and inspiring it deeply. I shook my head when I felt such a burning squeezing in the nasal passages, and Sheryl laughed again, starting to draw imaginary circles on the screen of the faded phone.

- No matter how bad this neighborhood would look like, the people here make bestial parties! She laughed again and accompanied her. I'll take you to one, make you new friends!

My nose wrinkled to hear the word "friends," because I did not know if I really had anything like that ever. "Maybe just knowledge, which I prefer to call them so." A friend is supposed to be next to you always, and not you Will change to a minor quarrel A friend trusts you and does not doubt your words Maybe Yarris was my only friend or maybe that was his way of getting into my pants.

- Have you ever wanted to give up everything, Sheryl? Simply put, stop? My questions broke off my lips before I realized, and I sighed as Sheryl stood up, staring at me inquiringly.

- To my distorted life? She grinned, putting her hands under her head. I do not know how to live otherwise! He shrugged and frowned. I like fun, I love alcohol and I love drugs. If I give up these things, basically, I'm left with nothing. I want to have something, anything, in this world. And if a reunion of adolescent rebels are able to give me "relief", I will get it. With open arms, even!

"Sometimes I miss my pre-life," I whispered in the whisper, ignoring his words. I miss my mother and the way she played in my hair tonight. You know, I think I did not have friends since the day she died, I tell her, walking my fingers through the blond hair now - I was pretty popular before that.