The Ride (Phan child story)

June 4, 2015

Dear Notebook,

    I may or may not have done something really stupid (as always) that might have a huge effect on someone's relationship. Just maybe. But before I explain what I did or didn't do let's fill you in on what's been going on since the Tree. Also if want to shout many profanities at both me and Camilla, I'm sorry for your pain in advance (She's a pain in the ass).

June 2, 2015

    My eyes were red with tears and dread once I reached home after my encounter with Andrew at the Tree. I opened the front door and was greeted by both my mother and sister waiting by the door with worry in their eyes. "Oh thank goodness," I heard my mother sigh once I opened the door. My sister tackled me in a hug even though I was dripping wet with rainwater almost as if she thought I had died.

"Panda, you're shivering! Go take a warm bath while I'll set up dinner." my sister suggested like she was the parent in the situation. I nodded and headed upstairs for a bath to clear my head of- well I'm sure you recall.

I felt very relaxed after that warm bath but it didn't help clear my mind of what was just told to me. I stared at the water and wondered if my problems would fade away if I went under. I know I am young and have a lot to live for and shouldn't be thinking about this depressing shit but when your father comes home late every night doing, God knows what, your mother doesn't even cook for you or your little sister anymore or your only friend might be moving to a whole different continent, I think I have a pass.

Once out of my bath I walked down the stairs and saw both my mother and sister waiting for me to eat but no sign of my father. I looked around before sitting down and digging into my stir-fry.

"Where is Father?" I asked simply, curiously looked in my mother's direction. Only she didn't answer, she only looked away from my gaze when my sister spoke up.

"He hasn't come home yet, don't think he will be home till late again." She whispered. I didn't think much of it since it's normal for us now until my mother stood up from her chair and headed upstairs without a word. I looked at my sister for answers but she just looked down at her plate.

We ate in silence after that.

Once I finished my food I headed upstairs to my room. I was about to open the door when small sniffs and hiccups caught my attention from the other room. I walked towards the guest room where they were coming from but saw nothing. I walked around and only heard the sniffs get louder. Confused I went towards the closet door where I thought I continued to hear a woman, probably my mother, sobbing.

I hesitantly opened the door and not to my surprise my mother was on the closet floor with tears flowing uncontrollably down her puffy cheeks. "Mother, are you alright?" I began softly, she lifted her head and wiped her tears quickly as if trying to hide them from me

"Hey Panda," she answered trying to sound casual and ignoring the rasp in her voice.

"What are you up to?"

"Just- *sniff* thinking."

"What about?" I pressed.

"Come here," she said as she waved me over to her with a small grin forced onto her face. I walked towards her and sat crossed legged next to her. "I know your father and I haven't really been- um well there for you and your sister. But, well we love you both very much and thought you should have this," she searched through her shoe box pile before she revealed a small white box tied with a blue ribbon. I took it reluctantly, confused as to why my parents bought me a present when they didn't even get me one for my birthday 3 months ago.

I pulled the ribbon and opened the white box to uncover a small black iPod nano with white ear buds to match. I turned it on and saw it was already loaded with my favorite music, even from albums from 2005. These very familiar sounds were the only escape I had from the yelling that happened when I would be trying to sleep. So to me, the thought that my parents knew what gave me the will to live made me grin like an idiot.