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Stars

"So I'm gonna switch things up" I say into the microphone
Talking to the camera and the microphone is really awkward. Because you realise that thousands of people are looking at you through a lens but at the same time your by yourself, at home, in silence.
"I don't know, tell me what you think"
Music was my solace. When I was down I sang, when I was pissed I sang, when I didn't want to talk I sang. It just came to me. So I started a YouTube channel. Sooner or later things blew up, and I have gained 60,000 subscribers in the past year. It's a small audience compared to some. Compared to most really. But I don't care. I do it because I love it, not for the fans or the money or that bullshit
"This is You and I by One Direction"
Did they ever hold each other tight
Like us
Did they ever fight
Like us
I finished filming and packed up my camera. Taking out the sd card, I slipped the camera into its case and put it on the shelf where it belonged. I slotted the sd card into my computer and edited for the day. I didn't have work so I thought I may as well upload.
---
The girls left after last night so it was just me and Ethan home.
"Babe?" Ethan said from somewhere
"Yeah?" I yelled back
I heard his footsteps come toward my room.
"This is really good" he said holding his phone up
It was the video. I didn't think it was that good.
"Thanks babe" I smiled
"No, like this is your best cover yet"
I smiled, genuinely
"You think?" I ask him
"Yeah like, this is next level" he says sitting next to me and kissing me on the cheek
"Let's go out tonight" he says looking at me
I turn my face to him.
"Your shout" I demand
He scoffs
"Fine. Movies and bite to eat?" He asks
"Hmm, let's do something different" I suggested
"Like what?" He asks curiously
"There's a lookout. I used to go when I was little, with my dad. He would always say that stars were the pathway to the future or something." I said, lost in thought
"Let's do it then" he whispers into my neck.
I smile again.
I'm happy. But it's not real. I feel empty. Hollow. I know I'm supposed to be happy because we're doing something cool, but it's like I can't process happiness.
---
We walked into our local pizza place. It was nothing special, but it did the job.
We ordered and said into one of the booths.
A group of girls walked in. Much younger than me. Maybe 15.
There mum followed close behind.
I almost envied them.
The innocence they held, not just in that way but in general. They can just live. I have to worry about work, and school and so on and so forth.
In my thoughts, I didn't realise that the group were coming toward us.
"Hey, um are you Sapphire Williams?" One of he girls said
I was taken aback. This was the first time a 'fan' had ever come up to me before. I didn't realise they existed to be honest.
"Yeah" I managed to squeak out in my exit excitement
"I told you!" She says to her friends.
They all giggle. One of them spots Ethan and whispers to the girl standing next to her.
"Do you mind if we get a photo with you?" A different girl asks
"Sure thing girls" I say sliding out of the booth.
The all take out their phones and I take selfies with every one of them, putting on my best smile.
"Okay let's get one group one" Ethan says
"Good idea bab-I mean Ethan" I say as the girls laugh.
---
"They were cute" He says sliding back into the booth
I was speechless. My weird life just got weirder.
"I don't believe that" I say
Ethan laughs.
Our food came and went. We drove up the mountain to the lookout and found a nice spot on the grass to lie on.
Ethan lay out a rug and we lay down on top of it.
The stars stood out up here. Less light or something like that.
"It's beautiful" I hear him whisper
"I know, I love it" I say gazing into space.
A pause found its way into out conversation.
Other than singing, space was something I could run too.
Something I could get lost in.
It took me a while to realise that Ethan was staring at me.
I turned my head to face him.
"What is it?" I ask
"You're beautiful" he says
I shake my head. There are much prettier, nicer, more interesting girls than me.
"You don't mean that" I sigh, turning my head away
He physically turns my head toward him, so I'm looking directly into his eyes.
"I hate it when you do that" he tells me
I frown
"Do what?" I question, genuinely confused
"Insult yourself" he explains
"But I'm not beautiful" I mumble, looking at myself.
"You are to me" he says planting a kiss on my forehead.
I smiled. Genuinely. Today was good.