Trigger warning??(not really but also yes really)
I've began to notice problems with other couples as well. For example ; our rivals. Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook. They have the same type of sadness in their eyes as they walk through school . However they're different. Despite the look of exhaustion on their faces they seem to still love each other. I suppose that may be why they haven't yet given up. I wish I could say the same for me and Taehyung. I wish we could say that our love was holding us together. It'd feel less pitiful then. It's a much better feeling than acknowledging that we are only together to feel love from others.
4th period and Taehyung texts me. He's asking if we can meet on the roof once class ends. A part of me wants to say no as nothing good ever happens on the roof. At first it was a place to relax and just talk to one another but that was when he still loved me and I him. Now it's a place where bad news gets thrown around as if we were magnets for despair. Of course I say yes though despite the overwhelming desire to say no. I told myself it was just another problem he had and needed someone to share it with even if neither of us particularly cared.
Of course like I everything I tell myself ; it was false. Not completely false as it was a problem he wanted to share. Not completely accurate as it wasn't " just another problem " but the main problem that was tearing us apart.
I don't want to do this anymore.
With those words it felt as if my whole life was falling apart. There was no need to ask the obvious questions as we both knew what he was addressing. We both knew that it was about time. Which is why the time on the roof didn't end with screaming about how we never loved each other like it would in a movie. It ended with us crying , holding each other as if we'd never part , knowing how much this would affect both of us in the long run.
Despite those words being taes; he was the one to fall down first. Despite him ending the charade ; he was the one who couldn't deal with it. So this time when he beat up the poor defenceless kids, who only had the crime of being able to smile, nobody stood by his side saying it wasn't him. Nobody thought any good of him. All they thought is the break up of the perfect couple was driving him crazy. People were starting to see that we weren't perfect and some even starting to consider the fact that we may never have been.
That's when I started to unravel. When whispers of how cute I looked were replaced with the truth. With people starting to figure out there was truth behind those people's words and that I wasn't the perfect person they believed me to be. In a matter of days the whispers stopped. Only to give way to the abusive comments about how much of a manwhore I am and how much of a cheater I was. I could cope with those. Not well. Not at all was a coping well but I was coping nonetheless.
That was until the friendships I had built tumbled down. If course tae was still in school but with everyone afraid to look at him due to fear they would be beaten he might as well not have been. Hoseok and Namjoon. Those who I believed to be my friends. Those who were my friends. They left. Not abandoned. They weren't the type to do that. I drove them away with my constant thoughts of how I wish to be anywhere but wherever I was that particular moment and my whining about what a shit hole my life had become. That's how I drove them away. As you see the thing with people like me is that the only people who were gonna allow me to talk about that shit were people who were just as messed up as I was. Maybe that's why me and Taehyung lasted for as long as we did and why Namjoon and Hoseok , two guys completely happy with their lives, couldn't take all the the negative words anymore.
Maybe that's why I was left alone with nothing but my own mind to keep me company.
