I visited Taehyung. I don't think I was aware of how much of a monster I had become before that visit. It took me a while to realize it though. I should have realized it when he came out to the waiting rooms trembling and I started to smile. I should have noticed it when he talked about how scared that night made him feel and I started to talk about my other killings that followed after. I should have noticed it when he was screaming and crying and begging me to stop as I went into detail about how i specifically killed each and every single one. However I only noticed as the guards had to haul his knocked out body out of the waiting room. Maybe if I had noticed it wouldn't have gone that far.
After that I didn't see Taehyung again. Not alive anyways. He didn't want to see me and I got it. Half the time I didn't want to see myself. To see what I had become. It was kind of like I was afraid of myself. I'm sure part of me was but the other part was somewhat proud of what I had become. It was a feeling every now and then that it's normal to not belong and that it was okay.
I remember that all came crumbling down when I saw Jimin and Jungkook. Who despite falling out of love remained friends. Sure it was a bit odd to be married and friends but it made sense. They both had people who'd they'd see on the side and the thought of that just upset them but when they came home it's like they came home to a friend who didn't mind playing happy families. They got to live good lives despite being the entire opposite of okay. That only making me feel worse. Making me feel worse as I had nobody left beside me.
There was a crap ton of people who had left me yet it was fun to pretend. Pretend that my skeletons in the closet were what made me strong despite knowing just how much they brought me down. A simple task of deluding yourself that everything is the way it was planned out to be and that you'd be okay. That was meant to be the easy part but then again how could you delude yourself when you often end the night covered in blood that wasn't yours.
This is short but I'm tired let it go.
