My Secret Journal ♡

April 5th, 2014

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think why? Why am I like this? Why don't I have people falling over me? Why do I have to be so ugly and not look like the other girls? Well, I do. Every single day. I look at myself and I see nothing. I look at my glasses and I feel so unconfident. I feel like no one will ever want me and love me the way I should. I look at my eyes and all I see is green. I don't have those shimmering blue eyes like those other girls that people just admire and compliment them on. I have a scar on my face. My skin isn't perfect. I get acne then and there and I sometimes cover it up with makeup, but most of the time I don't. But the scar, it will never fade. I've had it for more than 10 years. My teeth aren't perfect nor anywhere close to it. They aren't flat on the bottom like other people. They're different. My eyebrows aren't like other people's either. They aren't waxed and skinny like other human beings. They're way darker than my hair color and they're kind of bushy in a way I guess. My smile I don't like either. When I smile, it just doesn't seem right in a way I can't explain and I have a dimple in my cheek. Just one in one cheek, not the other. My body isn't skinny like other girls. I don't have abs and probably won't ever. It isn't completely flat like society wants it to be. My thighs aren't small. They're bigger than they're suppose to be. I don't have a thigh gap and my hips, are too wide. But, with all of these insecurities, I worry all the time about what people think about me and what they think and if it is bad about me. But, even through these struggles that I have to deal with daily, I am slowly learning to accept these things and that I have friends and family that love me past these negative things I find in myself. It is hard, really hard, ignoring these things and not telling anyone. Even about my weight. I don't know if I am the right weight for my age, but I remember my "friend's" mom making a comment about it when I was going to buy a t-shirt. But, I realized now, that I have always been a few pounds heavier than them. They have always been skinny, so to them I was fat. Sure, my metabolism doesn't go as fast as theirs, but it still runs though, right? But, if it didn't run at all, I wouldn't be here. So, after I realized that, I've learned to try and accept me for me. I can try as hard as I want to try and change me, but I can't. I'm stuck as me, and there is nothing I can do. I will fight and one day, I will win the battle and just accept me for me.

April 5th, 2014

I felt like writing another "chapter" today ♡ I hope this will hopefully and eventually help someone somewhere because this is what I think all of the time to myself and it kind of feels good to let it go. I hope this chapter inspired someone like it actually inspired me.

You're ever feeling down, listen to "Believe in Me" by Demi Lovato. This chapter relates to it in so many ways ♡

You are one of a kind like a snowflake and beautiful like the sunset ♡