I don't know what I'm doing right now, but I'm in a sad mood so I'm gonna vent.
Sexuality
Ok, so I'm pansexual and I know my sister supports it but the rest of my family don't well my dad don't even know, I was practically forced to come out to my brother. But sometimes I question kf they even support me because they use it against me. They'll say things like "if you don't do this thing I'll tell dad you're pansexual" and my dad is a huge homophobe. Half the time I'm wondering if it was the right thing to come out to them.
Anxiety
Now I don't even know if I have anxiety, but I might be having a small panic attack right now. So the thing about if I have anxiety is if I tell my dad that he'll blow it off and say you can get over it. Yes I know I can get rid of it or get over it but it's not as easy as it sounds. I also have even more anxiety because school is starting back up again and I am mentally and physically not ready to go back. I can't deal with all the stress again and all the drama but I have to go through hell again for 3 more years. Can someone please explain to me what having anxiety feels like?
Friends
Sometimes I feel like everything I say or do in front of them is just the wrong decision. Like I'm too scared to ask if I offended them or hurt their feelings in anyway. I feel like I'm just weighing them down when I throw my problems at them, like I know I can rely on them but maybe I'm overdoing it a little or alot. I'm also really scared to tell them how I really am feeling because they most likely have no idea what to do or how to comfort me and I know they'll try their best but sometimes I just need someone who understands what I'm going through them. I also feel like my bestfriends have little secret things they hate about me and I'm okay with that but that just leads me back to thinking if they hate me or if I'm doing anything wrong.
Stress
Whenever I'm in these kind of moods my emotions just start going crazy and I feel like I could pass out at any moment but I feel like if i tell anybody they either won't care or just don't even feel like listening. But in moments like this I just need someone there for me so I can vent and just cry if I need to. But some people won't listen or don't reply back in time. I just need someone to vent to.
Family
I know I don't have it bad like most people but you know how people say family will always be there for you no matter what. Why does it feel like my family hates everything I do? I will try to rant to anybody in my family they either don't listen or don't even care about what I say. Most conversations with my dad go "Are you lesbian"No" Good" It just leads me back to thinking he won't ever support me if I do come out to him. Like I want to know they have my back but sometimes it don't feel like that. I just wish I know that they will support and accept me.
