Tongue Tied (Camren)

21.

After sending numerous texts to Lauren, Camila finally got a response, but it was simply an "I'm fine". This made Camila feel a little bit on edge and she decided that she needed to see the raven haired girl that night, so, as per Dinah's request, they agreed to go to the party they had talked about earlier.

Lauren was supposed to be at Camila's house an hour before the other girls arrived, yet it was minutes before the other girls arrived and Camila had heard no word from her girlfriend. Meanwhile Lauren stared glumly at her reflection, as she tried to get the motivation to choose an outfit. She felt numb and detached, as if her every movement was done while wading through water. Her mind could barely comprehend her own thoughts let alone the words that flew out of everybody else's mouths. She was mentality and emotionally exhausted, the questions over Camila's behavior and her conversation with Jade firing through her mind with little mercy.

At first, she had thought that a party would help to ease her mind and temporarily put an end to the worries that gnawed away at her insides, that was until her eyes landed on her reflection. It had only been a couple of weeks since Jade's father had used her as a punching bag, and although some of the bruising had faded, she was still sporting some nasty injuries that marred her features like a botched paint job. Her ribs ached constantly and she was certain that at least a couple were broken, but she had been careful not to allow the pain and discomfort show on her face for fear of anyone noticing. Even with heavy makeup and modest clothing the scars and bruising were noticeable, so she was aware that if she were to dress for the party there was no way she could hide the ugliness that she was convinced seeped from her soul.

Perhaps that was the full reason behind her self-consciousness, after all, at this point in her life she was used to weird stares and horrible insults that were thrown at her due to her muteness. She knew that she was solely to blame for Jade's current condition and was not even dignified enough to support the girl through it. She was too busy being self-centred, moping about her inability to speak and brought down by the guilt that should have crushed her miserable being further into the ground than it did, to acknowledge that her girlfriend at the time needed her. She would never forgive herself for such cowardice. And now those scars on her soul, the bleeding that her damaged and warped soul had both suffered and inflicted, was revealed upon her skin for the world to see. It was rightful for people to reel back in horror, for it was of Lauren's opinion that her soul was something horrific, that she was a monster for all the pain and suffering she had inflicted.

She gazed into the mirror and recalled the callousness with which she was brushed aside by Camila in favour of her phone. What did Camila see when she looked at her? All Lauren could see were the sunken in eyes now a dull green rather than resplendent emerald and unsightly swollen patches of black that swathed the angry red streaks in a grotesque manner. As she recalled watching her current girlfriend be snatched away by some unknown assailant on the other end of her phone messages, Lauren couldn't help but believe that she deserved it; the loss of her new love was karmas vengeance for her old, lost love. How did Camila feel when her eyes fell upon her? Lauren wondered if the regret overwhelmed Camila as much as it drowned herself in the sea of guilt and disappointment. Lauren was a ticking time-bomb and Camila was in direct trajectory of the blast, and surely the most logical thing to do would be for her to bail.

She sighed heavily and flopped backwards onto her bed, trusting that the soft blankets would welcome her body into their comforting embrace. Her eyes caught a glimpse of the time and after slowly processing it in her sluggish mind, she internally began to panic. She was already late and hadn't even begun to prepare herself for the night out. With yet another laden sigh, she felt around for her phone and typed the words that she knew would inevitably disappoint her love like she was so often used to doing.