That One Phanfiction

Seventeen

"Something happened to Dan," Phil explained as he and P.J. walked down the streets of London. "I don't know what. I don't know where he is. But he's just gone! Gone with the only trace being a bunch of creeping thistles scattered all over the floor of his bedroom."

P.J. shrugged. "Maybe he just had to go to the bathroom?"

"The window was open, P.J." Phil sighed.

"So...? People can go to the bathroom outdoors if they really have to." P.J. defended himself as they crossed the street.

Phil shook his head. "Anyway... He's been gone since then. I don't even know where to start looking for him."

P.J. pulled a bag of crisps out of his jacket and started eating. "Wait. You said there were creeping thistles in Dan, a plant's, room?"

Phil turned to look at P.J. "Yes?" He swallowed nervously.

"Creeping thistles are weeds." P.J. pointed out, eating more.

Phil stopped in his tracks. "P.J... Are you saying that... garden weeds took Dan away because he's a plant?"

"No, that's not at all what I'm say--"

"P.J., you're a genius!" Phil hugged P.J. and then ran off.

Meanwhile, things weren't going as great for Dan. He was still trapped in the jail cell, surrounded by dead houseplants.

I've escaped from a jail cell before, Dan thought. I can do it again.

But as Dan scanned the room for any possible escape, he realized there was no way out.

Just as he was beginning to give up hope, a rasping voice sounded behind him, "What a strange, strange man. Thinking there's a way out. I remember that."

Dan turned and found himself looking at a giant Majesty Palm. Its leaves were withered and blackened, and it wasn't the best-looking houseplant he'd ever seen, but it gave Dan hope. 

"There's no way out, kid. No way." The palm turned away, sighing. "The Creeping Thistle finally got us right where he wants us."

"What does he want?" Dan stammered. He hopped closer. "Maybe if we can get the weed what he wants, he'll let us go!"

The palm turned to face Dan. "Are you mentally insane, boy? That thistle ain't trustworthy. He's nothing but a sneak. Anyway, I know what he wants. But there's no way we can give it to him, no way. He's dangerous."

"Well?" Dan sighed. "Can I at least know what it is he wants?"

"He's jealous."

"Jealous?" Dan echoed.

"You heard me right." The palm shook his leaves. "He's jealous of the attention plants get, while weeds like him are violently pulled out of the ground, and tossed aside. He wants revenge on all of us houseplants. Not even just the natural-born ones; revenge on the gardeners who've pulled him and his minions out of the ground. That's why he's turned so many powerful people into houseplants."

"Wait," Dan interrupted. "You said he's turned powerful people into houseplants. How am I important?"

"Kid, you've got over six million people who would willingly do anything for you."

Dan sighed. "How do we stop him?"

"There's no way." He shook his head. "Plus, my dear brother, Horace, has fallen for his spell. He's been turning people into plants, thinking he's doing the right thing. But he's fallen right into the Creeping Thistle's trap."

"Horace? Horace Mann?" Dan asked, surprised.

"You know my brother?" The palm looked at him. "Is he okay?"

"Better than okay for a robot turning YouTubers into houseplants," Dan sighed.

The palm sighed. "Horace knows how to reverse the houseplant spell anytime. But there's no way we can get to him now. We're stuck."

Dan hopped away, feeling a small flicker of hope. Maybe Phil could get Horace to stop the Creeping Thistle!

But Dan realized, sadly, that he had no way of telling Phil to get Horace.

Am I going to be stuck in here forever?

"Just out of curiosity," Dan asked the palm suddenly. "What is the Thistle planning on doing to us plants?"

"Destroy us." The palm sighed, sounding tired. "Destroy each and every one of us until weeds have achieved their dominance."

Dan's plant heart thudded hard. "Destroy us?"

"You heard me."