Nalu One-Shots

Nightmare

"I-I don't want to d-die."

My eyes shoot open.

Confusion fills me as I take time to realize my surroundings. I'm in my house. Happy sleeps feet away, soundly.

I sit up in the bed and stare down at my hands.

To my surprise, there is a lack of deep crimson stained on to them.

My hands are always covered with blood in the dreams, her blood.

I've been experiencing this nightmare for months. It's always the same one.

She's always dying in my arms, blood pouring around her.

I never get a chance to save her.

The worst part, though, is the last words that are spoken.

I don't want to die.

Those words haunt my head, like a whisper in my ears throughout the days.

It's the worst part. Seeing her desperate eyes, the eyes of someone who is in pain. Who feels so much regret. The eyes of someone who doesn't want to die, but is.

It hurts so much more, knowing I can never help her.

"Ughh"

My hands roughly shake through my hair, and I quickly get up from the bed and go to the door.

I throw it open, and slam it behind me quickly, wandering off into the night.

My feet move on their own, to the only place that I need to go to. I could walk there with my eyes closed, it's forever embedded into my brain.

The streets are empty, the windows of every house dark. The only one awake at this time is me.

My feet stop in front of the place I was heading to, and my eyes wander up to the window.

I just stand there for a minute, staring at the apartment, before turning around, and walking away.

I won't be finding the comfort that I so badly desire for in that apartment. It won't make me feel better at all to see the empty, lifeless apartment.

So, I continue walking on the road to another place.

This new destination of mine has been visited for a couple months now. I don't find comfort there, but it's all that I have.

I promised myself that I'd go see her as much as possible. It's the only way that I can begin to atone for what she lost.

My feet stop moving in front of the stone that holds her name. I take a seat on the ground, right in front of her grave.

"Hey, Lucy. I went by your apartment, but I know that this is where you rest now. I can't help but see it, though."

My hand strokes the cold cement of her grave.

"I like to just close my eyes, and imagine that light shines out of the window, just like it always did late at night. I like to imagine that if I jumped up, you'd be sitting at your desk, writing like you always would, with that zoned off look you had when you would write, oblivious to everything around you, but the story unwinding in your head."

I pause to take a shaky breath.

"I like to imagine that your window is open. That you would be up there, waiting for Happy and I to come. I like to imagine that I can still go see you whenever I need to."

My eyes shut.

"It doesn't work, though. Just as soon as the comfort of those thoughts fill me...the images of your pleaing eyes fill me, and your window grows dark and cold once again."

My eyes open, and I look at the stone.

"I hate having these nightmares, that keep me from sleeping. But, I wouldn't do anything to take them away. I want to have to go through this pain. I need to go through this pain, in hopes that, maybe someday, it will be enough payment for failing you that day."

My nightmare will forever be there to haunt me with the memories. And to never give me another chance to save her, because I was never able to save her.

She's gone.

I couldn't save her that day. I failed to save the person that I swore to always protect.

My nightmare always starts with her in my arms, and ends with her final words.

It never starts at a point where I can save her. It always starts right when she's dying, to taunt me with the fact that there is no hope.

But, until the day that I die, I will face these nightmares head on. I need to go through this pain. It's the only way that I can begin to atone for my failure.

"I'll see you tomorrow night, Lucy."

My nightmare will be there to torture me, to keep me from ever forgetting about that day. Not that I would forget it even without the nightmares.

So, tomorrow night, when I go to sleep, I'll live through the memories again, and wake up.

Then, I'll visit her in the silence of night, just as I've been doing for three months.