Can't Let Go

There's no need to deny it anymore.

Slash had never paid attention to his girlfriend's hair color, not even less to his quick fucks.

He just comes for the sex and stays for... Well, he would be lying if he says he ever stays.

But the void is still there, and the truth is... he misses something, and the words for it won't come easy because he has his pride. He doesn't know if everything started due he was feeling melancholic or what, but ever since he felt like the end was coming for both of them, he started dating redheads.

Fake redheads, nice cheekbones. The pale ones with freckles and green eyes are kind of hard to find because they also need to be a little bit crazy and have his same sense of humor, and well, it is all about tastes.

So he normally just goes for the craziest chick in the room.

And it's not a kink, it is just something he can't explain, unless he is willing to pay a visit to the shrink, and he isn't mental either, besides, he has a reputation to maintain of this very laid back dude, the one who says fuck you and throws his guitar in the air as in the Don't Cry video.

Everybody thinks he is cool.

But he can't be cool all the damn time, he is human, he is full of flaws, he can be shady at moments and use his laid back dude persona to wash his hands whenever needed.

Like the time he said all those lies about him...

He can lie and cheat and get away with it because he is Slash, the guy who everybody likes.

The cool guitarist who everyone knows about, even people who don't know shit about his work. Someday he'll be remembered as the guy with the top hat and too much hair to see his face.

And it really doesn't matter now because even when he is seeing as the good guy, the cool guy, he never seems to find what he is looking for, he is not happy.
The void is still there and it's getting bigger with each passing year.
He has come to this point where he can't stop thinking of this person. At the beginning, he succeeded at not thinking of him all these years unless he was mentioned, of course.

His name was banned for everybody around him, friends, wives, anyone.
And it is really stupid in view of the fact that Saul Hudson gives more importance to an old friendship that no longer exists than his two divorces.

The last one is still fresh.

That's right, he has divorced twice, but he couldn't care less.

In the meantime he is always dreading for the mention of his name, Slash never wants to talk about him, not now, not ever.
Talking about him would be like walking through the threshold of hazy memories, stupid, happy ones, and bitter too.
And certainly, it doesn't make him any happier to hear someone else bad mouthing the object of his secret obsession. No one has that right, except him.

He is entitled since he worked with him for years, he lived with him, he knows him best, well, maybe Izzy too, but he knows him so well, he knew him...

Because he hasn't changed, right?

He's still out there causing riots and making enemies for ridiculous reasons.

There was a time when he couldn't stop dreaming of him. In his dreams he always takes a chance, he tells him all he ever wanted to, they yell, they fight and they also laugh. In his dreams, they are friends again, kind strangers or even lovers...

And it hurts to wake up and think how things ended up.

He tells himself it was a difficult friendship. That it was like a sexless marriage with your best friend, and that they were becoming toxic to each other.

Because they were best friends once, a bit platonic from his part at times, or maybe the feeling was mutual and he never took the hint...
But then he remembers he was the one who burned the bridges first, so is not like they can jam together any given day, is not like he can dial his number waiting for a long conversation, or see each other ever again.

He took a decision a long time ago.

Once he left it was for good but after all these years he can't quite remember why he decided to just disappear from his life the way he did when they could have made work things out.
But he felt overwhelmed by fame, alcohol, drugs, money, and luxuries, by him.

There are moments like this when he wishes he could drink again and forget it all. When the nostalgia gets unbearable to the point of leaving him longing for something that doesn't even exist in his life.

So he drives. He drives all around LA. with the car door window down, no hats, just his shades. Sometimes he hears their old songs playing on the radio, songs that were once written to drugs and forgotten girlfriends.

And with it, he remembers the old days of youth next to him. He remembers the crazy young man he used to be, the reddish blonde shade of his hair and how he always admired it from afar, the glint in his green eyes when he was about to write a new song.