SIESTA!!

you ever dated a guy??

just the once.        he was
            nice twice funny he had
            such amazing
eyes and eyebrows and lashes very thick
my friends thought him
girly his hands were very slender
he kissed like he wasn't sure                  where the mouth was sup
posed (a question)
to go. hesitant, shy, head bowed
down to me, in prayer
       his hands? callused, but tender. very dry. i used to fuss over them—bringing along my mother's hand cream and spreading it over his wrist to his knuckle to his lifeline back back and back to his collar bone
      he used to
take my
wrist (i waxed my arms, for him, wanted it to feel like i could slip out of his grasp any second) and he used to       just hold it
                              hold hold hold hold hold and
let go
        saddest smile on his face
     like he knew like he knew 
how long?
four months.
a disaster, really. never would have worked out. not with me being me. we talk. we don't talk about it. i don't talk about it. he doesn't talk about it. mutually assured silence. he knew.
knowing when not to talk is always always
the best thing you could ever ask for. silence isn't gold. silence is survival.