Looking for them (Sam x tim)

Chapter 4:

I look through my journal as I walked to meet mister Tim. I walked into the Starbucks and sat down at the closet table to the doors. I heard some laughter and a heard a few boys loudness, I rolled my eyes and look at my journal. It feels like I was tricked, or stood up. Mostly because he is a trash bag, popular, jock who has enough time to waste. I saw him and his smile made me feel good enough. Just the look of it did. I looked down and he sat down in front of me. I looked up and acted like I didn't notice him. "Oh you decided to show up? Thought I'd been stood up....or tricked because we'll you are a jock." I said and he laughed. He smiled is so sweet and bright. Kinda cute, but wait no, no boys.

"Yeah sorry, I kind of got caught up with my dude friends. They are pretty......mean. They said your to much of a loser to be near, but I just think you are kinda chill." He said crossing his arms on the table. I smiled a bit, and he looked down at my journal.

"It's okay." I said. "I was actually excepting to be stood up. So the fact that you are here is sweet." He smiled.

"What's that?" He asked grabbing it and pulling it towards him. I grabbed my journal just in time and pulled it away from him.

"Don't touch this!" I shouted, earning a few looks from people. I looked down and hugged it close. I could feel his hurt, but I couldn't see it.

"I'm sorry." He said trying to sound mad, but sounded more hurt. I shook my head, cause I could tell he was about to get up and walk away. The only friend I could ever have, just walk out of my life. I grabbed his arm and looked at him.

"No," I whispered loud enough for him to hear. "I'm sorry." He looked at me with a slight smile. He seems like a good guy, and I kinda liked that. "You can read somethings in it if you want." I said pushing the journal towards him. He looked at me unsure.

"Are you....?" He asked not finishing his sentence I nodded my head. He opened it and read the beginning and his face said it all. He was read the first one I've ever wrote. "Sam..this is kinda deep." He said and I shook my head.

"Not deep. Just how I....feel." I said and he looked at me and looked down.

"'Day pass by slowly, and the tears rolling down my face race to leave me, just like people I once trusted did. Who you ask? Was it a somebody? Is it still that somebody? Is it everyone? No its you. Just you. You care for now, only because you need something to Jack off to, and I'm hurting. You say I'll be fine, but will I really? Is it because you just need to use me again? To make me feel so useful only to make me feel like complete trash? Well guess what. I'm not your little toy anymore. I have a voice, and a choice. I've always had death as an option but I rather not. I rather live without....a purpose.'" He read my first note out loud to me. People in the coffee area have quiet down as if they were trying to hear these things. I looked away in shame. He flipped through it and then stopped and dropped the journal. He picked it up and pushed it to me. I looked at him and sighed. I stood up and walked out. "Sam. Stop" he said. Tears went down my face as I stopped outside of Starbucks.

"Yes?" I asked in the most happy and normal voice I could make. He stood in front of me and hugged me. I didn't hugged him back because I felt so....stuck.

"Love isn't a door that traps you." He said. I pulled away from him, and gave him a slight smile. I looked at him one last time, and ran away. Ran home. He didn't chase me. I walked inside and saw mom sitting on the laptop.

"There is my girl. What up honey?" She asked and I shook my head. She notice that I was crying and hugged me. "Oh Sammy, boys are dicks"  I shook my head.

"No. Just read this journal." I said pushing her away and handed the journal to her. I walked into my room and laid in bed. My mom walked in, Sean next to her. They looked....sad. I looked at them and sighed. "I'm sorry." I said. Dad walked over to me and sat on the edge of my bed, motioning my mom to leave. She nodded and left the journal on my couch. She walked out closing the door behind her. I could hear her sniffel. I sighed again.

"Sam...are you feeling lonely?" Dad asked, and I looked at him with a frown. He looked at his watch. He ovbiousely was late to create his video. I nodded my head.

"Dad...go to do your video. I'll be fine. I'm not....okay I am. But I'm not here to distract you from your job." I said and he shook his head. He sat down and took his watch off.

"What kind of dad would I be if my Job was more important than my beautiful daughter? I will work for hours, but work for days making sure that your okay." He said smiling at me. These moments were sweet, since my dad can handle these hints a little more. "So talk to Ol' papa Jack." He smiled. I sat up and crossed my leg on my bed and looked him in the eye.

"Since Ava stopped being my friend, taking everyone with her, I've been crowned the lesbian of he school. The girl who needs a life. The girl who is dead." I started, and he nodded. "So I've been pretty lonely. No one wants to be my friend, no one wants to love me, no one wants to be...even a person I can talk to."

"Oh Sammy wammy, me and your mother love you very much. And that boy Tim he talked to you." He said hugging me, and my phone went off showing I was texted. Dad pulled away and got my phone. He looked at the lockscreen. He walked back over to me and gave it to me. "Speak of the Devil." I smiled. He sat down on my bed and waited. I looked at the text. I smiled.

Tim: Sam I know this is odd, but I care. Don't cry, your beautiful and funny. Don't feel bad about yourself.

Me:thanks Tim. I'm sorry for running away from you.

Tim:I should have chased you.

Me:No.

Tim:Yes.

"See he is a nice guy. A friend." Dad said. I hugged him.

"I'm depressed dad. And with that...comes the cuts." I said rolling my sleeve up and showing him them. He looked at them, horrified and shocked. He pulled my sleeve down.

"I won't tell your moher, cause we both know there is no talking about this, but you better not add another cut to that. Sam, I love you, your mother lives you so you better not leave us broken." He said looking me in the eye, and left my room. Before he closed my door he looked at me one last time. "Sam. You are a beautiful girl. Tim is a true gentleman." He closed my door. Leaving me in a room with a Phone texting Tim.

Me:No. I should have stayed.

Tim:I should have tried.