It is currently 1:25 AM and I'm still awake, listening to my thoughts as they argue and think things they probably don't mean, this is the only time i can usually hear them. During the day its just silence. Which is weird considering I'm usually a really energetic person, you would think i have a lot going on in my mind. But i just don't, and for some reason it upsets me but i try not to show it. Anyway this is about night time not day. My house is quiet at night so I usually don't hear anything but my thoughts, which tend to keep me up all night, i think of things that scare me at night and i cant stop no matter how hard i try, its really not ok. I should really talk to someone about it. But i don't, because who does that? Sometimes i can hear footsteps going through the house, i'm pretty sure its just my parents, but my mind likes to tell me its someone who wants to kill me or hurt my family, which just adds to the amount of fear i already have. It has gotten to the point where i have to have my door locked and my dog with me to feel safe. Sometimes when i look around my room, i see shadows dart away from my line of sight, i know its just my imagination but somehow it always frightens me, it makes me want to cry or hide, but at the same time wanna move, because I'm afraid that my mind will turn it into something else other then just a darting shadow. I have a headache now.
Its now 2:05 AM, I'm still awake. My headache has gradually gotten worst, in fact its so bad that i'm crying. Which is fine as long as I'm quiet, everything will be fine. My anxiety has gotten worst, and i'm so tired, but I'm too afraid to sleep, because my mind decides to create Hell every time I sleep. And by Hell i mean nightmares that wake me up immediately when they end...or they wont let me wake up. Has anyone ever had that? When you try to wake up from a nightmare but it feels like yours eyes are glued shut.
Im probably gonna post this in the morning. Hopefully. To be honest i feel alot better after writing this.
