strange love | yoonseok

0.4

4 days later

It was 2:30pm, and I found myself, once again, standing in front of the dancer. I've done this the past few days, although, just so I didn't seem like I was a stalker or something, I'd watch from the building above or further down the street.

I've made some observations. He dances mostly with his eyes closed, his session ends at exactly 5:00pm, and he looks amazing from ever angle.

I tipped 3 quarters today. I don't have much after paying for my bills with the money Namjoon and Seokjin give me every month. Even with my job at the convenience store, I don't have enough to pay for my apartment.

I tried to tip as much as I could so I could see that smile of his again. It was honestly so captivating. I felt like I could get lost in the smile that lasted only a couple seconds.

He didn't see. So, I didn't get to see that flash of teeth that I've grown to love. I searched in my pockets for more money.

Nothing.

I began to walk away, but I turned my head back to have one last glance at him. We caught eyes as he finished his dance. He smiled. It was as warm as the sun beating down on us and as delicate as the tiny flowers that pushed through the cracks of the sidewalk. It seemed so sincere. Like the smile you give someone you love before you leave them for the day. Like the smile a mother gives her child before sending them off to sleep.

I didn't quite know what those looked or felt like, but it's how I always imagined they would.

My cheeks involuntarily turned crimson as I sheepishly smiled back and walked off. He must have recognized me.

-

"There's just something about him, guys. I can't really explain it but, it's like every time I look at him and watch him dance, my heart starts beating really fast and I get this rush when he smiles, it's like everything stops around us and it's just.. me and him."

I was sitting in the living room of my only two friend's apartment. It was night time so the room was dimly lit with lamps and candles, while the couple were cuddled together in their cream colored Lovesac, and their husky puppy, Jinjin, curled up in their lap.

"Sounds like someone's got a crush." Seokjin cooed. He giggled as he brought his sweater paws up to each side of his face.

"This could be good for you, Yoongi. You say it gives you a rush, correct?" Namjoon inquired.

I slowly nodded yes. Then it hit me. A rush. My mind flashed back to a few nights ago when I killed that woman. Then to the first time I saw the dancer.

"Oh my God. Namjoon, it's that feeling! That same feeling I get when I... you know! How stupid am I not to have realized it before?!"

"Well maybe being with someone, can replace killing. You won't need to kill if you have someone that gives you that same feeling. And it seems like this dancer gives you that."

I sat for a moment comprehending what he was saying. Then I remembered my addiction and the fact that I cannot, under any circumstances, find myself in a relationship.

"Wait, Namjoon. I can't just stop killing people. I can't. How do I even know I like him anyways? I've never even spoken to him. Maybe I just want to murder him." I grumbled. I didn't want to kill him, I know I didn't. I was just trying to find an excuse as to why I don't like him, even if I was failing miserably. I just didn't want to get involved with him.

I can't stop killing either. I'm addicted! I get withdrawal symptoms like people addicted to smoking do when they haven't smoked for a long period of time. It's the same thing when I haven't killed in awhile. I start shaking, pacing, sweating, and I get really irritable. Even with no one around. Once I finally pierce my blade into someone's heart, it's like everything relaxes and I can finally function properly again. It's like when you take that first drag of a cigarette after not having one in awhile. I know that feeling for sure.

"You want to.. what?" A look of fear and worry over took Seokjin's face. He pulled his dog closer.

I rolled my eyes. "No I don't. It's just, I don't know how to handle these feelings. I don't know how I have them. I've never felt them before. I mean, I have, just not in this way. I haven't even talked to the guy but, every time I see him I just feel so happy, I guess you could say."

"Hun, you need to talk to him. Meet him and get to know him and maybe you'll be able to sort out your feelings more." Jin showed a small smile and rested his head on his boyfriend's chest. Namjoon brought his hand up to slowly run his fingers through Seokjin's hair.

"You don't think it's too risky? You know I promised myself not to get involved romantically with anyone anymore. This could be extremely dangerous."

"I want you to be happy, Yoongi. I think, as long as you don't tell him anything about what you do, there shouldn't be anything wrong with it." Namjoon replied.

"I'll... do it tomorrow then." I gave in. I couldn't believe myself. I checked my phone, seeing it was 10:49 PM, I stood up, "It's pretty late. I'll get going guys. Thanks for the advice, I needed it." I smiled.

Seokjin had fallen asleep so, Namjoon just smiled and nodded. "Hey Yoongi, there's $300 on the counter. Take it." he whispered, careful not to wake his sleeping lover.

I quickly bowed and mouthed a 'thank you' before grabbing the money and leaving their apartment.