privacy • g.gustin

XXII. real life

A knock sounded in the door.

"Emy, please open the door." I closed my eyes for a second before getting up and walking to the front door. I slowly open it to see Camille. She looks at me with concern, or maybe because my mascara was smudged all over my face. She quickly pulls me into a hug, that momentarily takes me off guard. I hug her back, enjoying the feeling of my best friend being here for me. But she then pulls away and smacks my arm.

"What the hell, Cami!" She then pulls me into another hug and soothingly rubs my back. I forget that she had just hit me, and let her hold me. I slowly remembered what had happened with Bradley. Her hand on his thigh. His arms around her. Their lips together. And for the first time since the break up, I allow myself to cry. The sobs broke loose and Cami held me closer, as if she let me go I would dissolve into a puddle of my own tears, and I can't say I wouldn't. She pulls away again, and looks at me. She pulls my hair out of me face and wipes away a tear. Without saying anything she sits me on the couch and disappears into the kitchen. I stare at the blank TV screen until she comes back. When she does she hands me one of the two cups in her hand.

"Thank you." I mumble. She smiles, and sits next to me. After a while of silence I look up to her. She eyes me suspiciously. "You're not gonna ask?"

"What?"

I take a sip of the coffee she gave me. "You're not gonna ask what happened?" She gives me a comforting look and pats my leg with her free hand.

"Not unless you want to talk about it." She says, a look of understanding written all over her face. She moves her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"God I hate being like this."

"Like what?" She questions, concern lacing her voice.

"Broken." I exclaim and look back at her. "I hate feeling so- so- so fragile! Like anything can break me, can send me spiraling again. I-I put on a smile everyday because I don't want them to know that I'm-"

"Human?" She whispers. "Emelia you're human. It's okay to be broken."

"Not when so many people look up to you, Cam. I-I'm sat here crying over a boy when I tell all those little girls out there not to. That's being a hypocrite. I'm a role model for those little girls and look at me. I-I'm a mess, over him."

"He meant a lot to you, Emy. I know he did. You loved him for gods sake. And love hurts, like a bitch. Trust me, I know." I sniffle and she rubs my back. "Listen, loving someone is not being a hypocrite. He broke your heart, Em. You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to feel something."

"I don't want to." I see her wince, and I notice the pain in my voice. "I don't want to feel anything, because right now I feel like crap and I hate it. I hate it, Cam." I look up at her, the tears forming again in my eyes.

"I know you do." She says and sets her cup down. She pulls me closer into another hug. "I know you don't want to feel. I know you feel horrible and I hate that you feel like that, Em. You don't deserve this." I sob into her shoulder. Images of her and Bradley together pop into my head.

"I hate love, Cam. I hate it."

"I know, I know."

;

After a while of crying, I finally stopped. Letting out did feel good. I then told Cami about the breakup."

"Do you know who it was with?" She asks and I shake my head.

"No, I don't know her name, but if I saw her on the street I know I could point her out." I sigh. "J-just the image of them together is never going to leave my head."

"And you haven't cried? Like not once." I shake my head again.

"I needed to put a strong face on-"

"Bullshit. I already told you, Em. You. Are. Human. Don't think you're a super robot that feelings can't get to, because when you finally put your guard down all the emotions come back. Hard. Just like now."

"Well I learned my lesson."

"So this is why you don't want to be with Grant."

"I do want to be with Grant." At this she looks at me. "I just don't want to get hurt again, Cam. I-I can't handle it." A look of sympathy crosses her features.

"I get that, Emy. But that's life, your gonna have to go through it again, and again, and again until you find the one. And you are strong, Emelia Marie Hennig, do not believe otherwise." I smile at her.

"Thank you. I love you." She laughs.

"That's what I'm here for, Emy." She hugs me again. "Soooo, Jane the Virgen marathon?"

"I think that's appropriate." I smile and turn on the TV.

;

Finally another part, I'm so sorry this took forever. Also, it's my birthday ;)